It Isn't Meant to Be Easy

Since I made the announcement about my upcoming nuptials I have received a tremendous amount of feedback. Part of my generation is in utter shock, but couldn’t be happier for me, while the older generation is having extreme difficulties with accepecting the plans that are to come…

 I read this post a couple weeks ago from my pal Muzik and it got me to thinking about marriage and why the oldies would have such a huge issue with it. It is a common statement that our generation is nothing like theirs, especially when it comes to responsibility and commitment.

The way I see it love isn’t easy at any age, no need to judge their union based upon age. A gentlemen in an attempt to discourage me from getting married told me that everyone he knows that has made such a commitment with each other at my age has divorced within a year. Those isolated incidents can not count for our entire generation because I know people in their late 20’s to mid 30’s (the more accepting marriageable ages) who have gotten married and haven’t lasted a year; plus I now couples that are in the same age brachet as me and have lasted way beyond a year.

Over 800 years ago the marriageable age for a woman was twelve, and could be acknowledged as early as seven as long as the union was not annulled before the marriageable age; granted things have drastically changed since then. The marriageable age in most places today is 18, but under the law of most religious communities or with parental consent it is actually younger, and it is mostly "religious" people that disapprove of our union. I am not going to sugar coat things and make it seem that people just get married and live happily ever after, nothing worth anything is that easy. A large caution comes from people that group ladies by statistics, because I am african american and grew up in a single parent home, that I will automatically look for a suitor that in some shape or form will resemble my father's characteristics. While my father may not be the best man on earth he had to have some good in him for my mother to be attracted to him, but I must say my Babeos is nothing like my father. Very much the opposite in more ways than one. Obviously shown by the fact Mike actually stepped up and asked for my hand in marriage.

Like I said age is nothing but a number, young or old  marriage is going to take work recently my fiance and I went o see the film Hope Springs not to spoil the movie for anyone, it is about a married couple of retirement age who have completely lost their spark. For them like most couples should be, divorce is not an option and they have basically become roomates, sleeping in separate quarters and have mundane casual conversations. Until they decieded to start actually putting some effort into their marriage. 

Compromise plays a large role in relationships, nobody is going to do everything you want perfectly at all times, that is unrealistic, and people are not mind readers communication is up their with trust and loyalty. When your spouse ask something of you, change is never easy but you cannot do it for a day and then revert back to your uncompromising ways. Too many of us want the fairy tale love we saw on TV, but wait til you see the uncut version of that love... yeah not so Cinderella! 

I think that men that are really making that commitment to a woman and intend to keep it should be commended instead of doubted. That is one of things that is wrong with our society we are quick to put somebody's dreams down once the mention of work, responsibility or commitment are involved. Discouraging comments do not help, people are quick to tell you what they think you can't do, instead of offering reassuring what you can do with some encouragement. How about taking failure of the option list. 

I am going forward with my wedding plans, and with prayer and putting God first Babeos and I will prove some people wrong! <3 data-blogger-escaped-nbsp="nbsp">

Like Muzik said no one said it was easy but true love never fails!

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Reunited!!

About two months ago I wrote a post about my sisters, particularly my older sister and how I had not seen her since before I started high school. I was detremined to reconnect with her no matter the cost, but it seemed like my father on the other hand ruined all of those plans.

I took a trip to DC for over a month, placing me one step closer to my sister, who lives not to far a way in Jersey and the plan was for one of us to make that trip so that we could spend some long awaited time together. My father decieded to step into those plans when I first arrived and promised to bring Shante down to DC. Then two days before I was returning to Florida he wanted me to come to Jersey instead and then leave from Jersey back to Florida despite my ticket already being booked. Needless to say we did not get to see each other because of my fathers planning or lack there of.

Lucky for me my sister was planning a trip with some of her friends to South Beach, Miami. This time nothing was going to come in the way of me spending time with her, even though some things came up I made it! I am not going to lie I was a little, well a lot nervous at first, just becasue I get nervous about everything and plus the last time I saw her I was a child! We met at Wet Willies, and I defintiely needed that drink to calm my nerves, but I was delightfuly suprised we had a great time. We had a couple drinks, layed out by the pool and had our own mini photo shoot! :)

Her friends were saying how much we look and act like eachother... it was funny! Even though we live I don't know how many miles away and for years had no contact we still shared that bond. Is much as my father drives me and her crazy, my sissy is one of four things he did rite... adding blessing to my life and family. Words cannot express how happy I am we got to meet and that everything went so well. Family is one of the most important things in my life, creating a bond with my older sister is at the top of my list; and this South Beach trip was a great start. I can't wait to move up north so I can start seeing her regularly! :)

I love you sissy!!!

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Engagement to Move On

As many of you may have heard "I'm Engaged!" Of course friends and family are asking me all kinds of exciting questions such as my theme, color, venue, dresses, favors and dont even get me started about the engagment party. After everyone;s intial shock and excitment high started to wear off they started to hit me with the deep questions such as, who is going to give me away, and walk me down the isle?

The loyalty and tradition in me without hesitation gives the honor to my dad, however my heart tells me he doesnt deserve it. It took me almost a week and a half after my Babeos popped the question, before I could even get a hold of him to let him know. Despite my countless attempts! 

After I finally told him, there was not joy at all, he actually yelled at me told me  we were stupid and no clue what we were doing... says the man who has never been married!

The definition of insanity is to repeat the same act countless times but expecting different results, I guess when it comes to my father I am completely insane!  There are only so many times I can let him back in expecting different results.

Since that conversation I have not spoken to him, this was the first year ever that I have not called him for Father's Day, but I have to what is best for me an my mental health. I continue to respect him, but now from a distance. I have allowed my father to impact and effect my emotions for way to long. I am only making myself a victim when I know how him stand, but expect him to change. Do not get it twisted I know God can change anyone, his mercy is like no other. But as of today my father is not falling inthat category of wanting to change.

The questions or shall I say concerns about him walking be down the isle have only thickened. Many are saying that if I do not allow him to do it not am I just erasing him, but that whole side of my family. I have been given so many ideas and "suggestions" on what to do. Some say to allow one of my uncles do it, but to me that casues more harm than good, how offended would my father really be knowing that I did not want him to give me away but instead I want one of his brothers to do it. Then I thought I would ask an uncle on my mother's side to do it who was actually my legal gaurdian for a year and has always been apart of my life, but that goes back to not having a representative from my fathers side. Now they are saying I should allow my grandmother to do it. Thank God I have a years and half to make this desicion, I do not think it is meant to be this hard! Who knows I have got almost two years, maybe my dad will become a different person by them and will earn the title of my father aand the honor to walk me down the isle. Until then I have made an enegagement to move on!

Emotional Crutch

"Single parents make great parents too."

While doing research for Unstable Cradle, I found this statement and it made me think of the stereotype or crutch used not only by parents but children who are products of a single parent home. While I am not a parent, I do not know all the struggles, but I did grow up in a single parent home, and for a while I used the absence of my father as an excuse for decisions I made in life. But that is just it I made those decisions!  Yes rowing up with out a father or a mother is extremely difficult, I am not saying not to feel, however do NOT allow those feelings to cripple you. There are so many statics out there that prove growing up without a father can impact lives, from increased dropout rates to being fifteen times more likey to end up in jail. It is known for children who are missing a parent in life to act out, but at the end of the day those are their desicions or mistakes to make. You can not blame your circumstances on the fault of somebody elses lack of responsibility. If you use that sterotypical excuse for you actions a are avading responsibiliy yourself.

People do not realize it takes a village to raise a child, children are sponges and learn from their surrounding. Think about it, who are your child's role model, outside of mommy or daddy? -That is a whole nother post!

I had a student once who would act out beyond belief, he even went so far as to punch another instructor. When we had a confrence with his  parent, the  mother's excuse was she was a single parent! I grew up in a single parent home as you all know and I was never raised to act in such a manner, and if I did my mother would have repremanded for that choice I made! Not to say I was the perfect child or even that my mother was a perect mother, however my mother was able to be the best parent he could with or without my father. Therefore the statement should not be "single parents make great parents too," instead single parents make great parents!

Never let your PAST depict your FUTURE!!!

Turn it Around

God's blessings are endless, and He has a way of restoring faith and hope in the world. I am sure a lot of you watched the show The Voice last night especially since it was on directly after the Superbowl. If you watched it you saw and heard part of the story of JESSE CAMPBELL: a devoted father and as you can tell a spectacular singer. During the quick glimpse we saw of his life, his wife walked out on their family, and Campbell with nowhere to turn with his daughter became homeless, and then eventually moved in with Campbell's brother where he then got on his feet. The brief story of his life renewed faith and compassion within me, so I wanted to know more. So very often the posts I have written on here are about a fahter walking out on the family, or abandoning his responsibilties not just as a dad but a true father, but even when most would have felt defeated Campbell kept the faith.

Campbell's story resembles Mandate although signed to Capital Records and having two hits, he did not let obstacles in the industry alongside the abrupt changes in his life discourage him, and now on The Voice he is here to do it all again for his daughter.  Campbell stands out to me becasue he truly puts his daughter first, I checked his twitter the morning after the show aired and his tweet declared how busy his night had been with the influx of twitter mentions, and facebook request not to mention phone calls, but he wrote his daughter comes first and he would respond to all of that when she was in school.

His story shows us that you never know what tomorrow can bring, and what God truly has in store for you. Success is not always about finances, and it not the most important thing in life.

Look out for Jesse Campbell on The Voice.
Follow him @singjessesing
Check out his website for information and his blog. http://www.jessecampbell.com/

COURAGEOUS

A friend asked me over coffee the other day, "do you still blog?"

I know it has been months since I have posted any, but my life has taken drastic changes during that time, and I can not tell you how many blogs I have started and not finished and posted, due to LIFE! I am however commited to continuing to blog....
                                                                                         

Where do I even begin with this movie? Most defnitely the best movie I have ever seen! Statistics show that women end up with a partner that resembles their father, and I do not mean physically but characteristics. However that does not mean it is ever womens destiny, but if every father stepped up and displayed the courage and faith displayed in Courageous, it would be the ultimate blessing.

I do not want to give away the movie becasue it is a must see, I literally cried the whole movie to see the compassion and pride these men took in becoming the best fathers and husbands they could possibly be through trails and tribulations.

Just think for a second how different the world would be today, children had a a role model that was actually their father, and his model was our one true heavenly Father.

Not only should every man watch this film,especially men with children, but women need to see it also. Men are meant to be the leader in their households, and in todays society that is lacking, especially since many are single parent households. I would  love for every man to make commitments similar to the ones the men in the movie made, in my opnion the day your child is born the commitment should have been made, if not earlier. Chlidren need guidance, and while it take a village to raise a child, it starts in the household and if that family unit is already broken, children explore other alternatives. There are to many boys claiming to men, and to many dads not being fathers, and it is time for them to STEP UP! 


"Where are you men of Courage?"

The Perfect Stranger!!!

Imagine meeting the perfect stranger, and it being your father. Giacomo Knox last saw his father in 1975 and has not seen or spoken to him for 33 years. But in 2009 Giacomo was able to reconnect and spend "A Week With His Father," and film it for all of us to see.

I must say his reality series is a must see, it is so moving, and reaches so many levels.

For a really long time you all know, at least if you have been reading my blog, I have struggled with the relationship with my father and felt resentment towards him. I was not given or demand the opportunity Giacomo was, but like Giacomo through my faith I have found peace in the situation.

Gia,como's story was amazing becaus ehe found out a lot information that was told was not all together, and the best part was his father wanted to be in his life, where he was told the opposite. 
Going back to the post I wrote other day.

It took me a really long time to write this post because I just felt like no matter what I wrote I did not do it justice(still feel that way) because the webepisodes speak for themselves. And you all need to watch! It can be life changing if you let it!

Trailer: http://youtu.be/uQ6kTJrbrdY
http://www.aweekwithmyfather.com/

Well I actually was able to connect with Mr. Knox, and was more than willing to do an interview with me, (I think that why it was so nerve racking). After you al watch his movement you should definitely read the interview to gain some more insight!

ENJOY!!!

How did your faith and relationship with the lord strengthen your
situation with your dad?
I like to think that anyone who has strong faith in YHVH is

invincible.  I've seen many miracles happen simply because someone
believed and acted on the belief.  The only real obstacle to
meeting my dad was getting the finances together so I could shoot
the pilot.  We got right down to the wire, the money showed up!
But even before then, while I had great faith in YHVH, I believe He
was calling me to do this show and reunite with my father, so I
could tell other young men and women that fatherhood is important.
And to show was real forgiveness looks like - it starts with family.

Do you feel that since you have spent that week with your father you found
peace with the relationship?
Absolutely! I wanted to know him, know why he and my mother

split up, what he's been doing since we split up, and what kind
of relationship I could expect from him now that we're adults.
As time allows, I hope to spend a lot more time with him!

What advice do you have for people that are going through similar
situations but do not have the opportunity to meet their father?
First off, the only valid reason for not having an opportunity to

meet your father is because he's no longer alive.  Most resistant
people I've spoken to are either afraid or harbor some sort of
resentment toward their fathers, and it's understandable.

When a relationship breaks up, sometimes the truth is obscured as
to why a father leaves the home.  The best advice I can give is to
find out the truth, or at least your father's version of the truth.
 Seek him out and have an open mind. Hear his side of the story and
see if you'd like to pursue a relationship with him.

How has your relationship with your mother and her side of the family
changed?
To be honest, I think she's still a little annoyed with me for doing

this show, and I can understand.  There are some old wounds that
have never  healed, and perhaps the show will help along the healing
process with her as well.  She's happy that I created a show of this
caliber and very supportive of my efforts, however.
As far as my mother's family, I've not spoken to most of them at
length about the project.  It has caused me to look at them a little
differently, but again this show is about forgiveness.  Whatever
happened way back when I was 5 is over, and I harbor no resentment
toward any of the players involved.  That includes my mother!

Has your bond with your father grown since filming?
I believe we've bonded since filming the show!  He lives in my home

state of New Jersey, so it's hard to speak with him on a consistent
basis.  Again as time and my schedule allow, I will fly out or have
him fly out so we can spend some more quality time together.

Do you plan on continuing filming, showing the growing relationship
between you and your father?My partner Julie House and I have toyed with the idea of filming

"father and son follow ups" as a way of encouraging the viewers to
pursue relationships with their fathers.  Once the show gets picked
up a by  network or cable station, they will make the final
determination.  I don't see it as being anything but a way to
enhance the program and further inspire the audience.

If you continue do you think you would ever get both of your parents
together to discuss what happened in the past?Now that's an idea!  In my situation there is so much animosity

between my father and mother, that it seems impossible.  But as I'm
fond of saying, "there is nothing impossible with YHVH!"  The show
being about forgiveness, a reunion episode with the parents as a
follow up might encourage struggling couples to stay together as
well.

How do you think this experience will impact you as a father if/when you

become one?From my upbringing, to the time I spent in the Marine Corps, to my

life since then and the show, I know that I will be an excellent
father.  One of the things necessary for a man to be a good father
is patience.  Even at 41 I'm learning more and more about patience,
and how it applies toward child-rearing.
It's quite clear that my father made some mistakes, otherwise there'd
be no show!  I know many of the things my mother told me, and many of
the things he admitted to doing, and I will use them and my personal
experiences in raising my kids.

At what point in time did you establish your relationship with god? Like
what led you to him?
Wow, this could be the longest response ever!  I grew up catholic and

was very religious.  Religion however hates being questioned, and
since that time I've learned to see religious traditions as a
construct of man.  I left catholicism and floundered for 3 years in
"the world" before YHVH (G-d) broke me down to my knees and gave me a
choice between Him and the world.
After sometime in the Foursquare movement, I found it incomplete and
lacking real spiritual foundation.  And yes, many man-made constructs.
My faith now reincorporates the Hebraic elements including Torah (The Law
of G-d or First 5 books of the Bible) that were removed from Christianity
by man-made tradition and Antisemitism.  I no longer celebrate Christmas,
Easter or other religious holidays not featured in Scripture, and I no
longer worship YHVH on Sunday, opting for Saturday Sabbath rest and
worship and communing with the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit).  Essentially
I call myself a Torah-Observant follower of Yahushua (Jesus), and opt to
use the Scripturally correct Set-Apart names:  YHVH, etc.
What led me to Him was the same thing that we are all searching for:  to
fill that "G-d shaped hole" in our heart.  Some try to do it with drugs,
alcohol, sex; some do it with gods that can't or won't help them, I did it
with the One who put on human flesh and died in my place.  What an awesome
love story!
I would encourage all Christians who believe we are under Grace and not
The Law to do their independent research as to what The Law actually says.
Most of us already obey G-d's Law - Yahushua died so we wouldn't have to
suffer the punishment for accidental disobedience.  The Law was never set
aside by Yahushua, in fact He confirmed it.  What we are no longer under
are the man-made traditions, which are impossible to keep (!) and make
null and void the Word of G-d.

TOO LATE????

it is never too late!!! I got this clip from @absentdad , the man i have written about in previous posts, who fears that this is what will happen between him and his daughter, and it is not for lack of trying.In my opinion it is never too late to mend a relationship, especially one between father and child. Although that the longer the gap the harder that is going to be! Sometimes people do not even realize that there isnt a real bond or relationship there, you can see someone everyday and have a quick discussion but that does not mean have a real relationship and that in it self can be defined as absentee! And as the little comic strip shows materialistic things do not help at all.... I just think if you truely care then no matter what you are going to attmpt to have some sort of relationship, nobody said it would be easy that you will become the best of friends, but why not try!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!!

Well we all know since my father found out about "Unstable Cradle" our relationship like this cake have been up in the air. Well I did wish him a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" via text, which I recieved no response to,but of course I did not expect one! I even debated buying him a card...but enlight of what he said about his Christmas card I thought best I didn't. In my eyes it's like I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't!!! Of course my Mom went on and on about how I should I buy one, but I thought about it and consulted with others..and thought it might not be in my best interest....especially since at this point I would have no idea what to write inside. And the writer in me wont let me send a card that just says Happy Birthday in it...

I know that my father still reads this blog, but I dont know! If he does read, dad I just wanted to tell you
       HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

@Down2theLow

Since I started blogging almost a year now, I have really got into reading other peoples blogs...I LOVE IT!! One of the blogs I really love reading among the many is http://mydownlowlife.blogspot.com/ you all should definitely check it out, and now I am hooked on her book! Anyway after reading her blog a couple times, I can't remember why at first but I emailed her for something....and we have been emailing about everything and anything ever since! She is a phenomenal and intelligent woman, and she is extremely easy to talk to. She herself did not have the best relationship with her father growing up, she has not told me the full story yet but when she does she has given me premission to share it with all of you!


Well have you all have seen any of my tweets, you probably know my father is not well and it has been like pulling teath to get a hold of him or even find out what was wrong with him through anybody! Anyway when I found out that he was not well, of course I was worried, because no matter what I will always and forever love my father...I just do not appreciate a lot of the things he does! Well I began talking to @down2theLow about my feelings to father in regards to my blog... that if anything ever happened to him in away I would never forgive myself for not telling him about this site and how I really feel! As soon as I found out he was ill I called constantly adn left voicemails and never heard back from him! I finally spoke to him this morning, when he finally answered the phone! Boy, was that conversation awkward! He gave me one word reponses the whole time, and still did not give me much information about him being sick. Then he abruptly hung up, with no real goodbye! I am not going to lie I was a little hurt, but what was I really expecting we are talking about my father!


Throughout it all along with Mike, @down2thelow has been helping me deal with it the last couple days. She is truely awesome and always there with an open heart and mind sharing her guidance and wisdom! I love her!!