As many of you may have heard "I'm Engaged!" Of course friends and family are asking me all kinds of exciting questions such as my theme, color, venue, dresses, favors and dont even get me started about the engagment party. After everyone;s intial shock and excitment high started to wear off they started to hit me with the deep questions such as, who is going to give me away, and walk me down the isle?
The loyalty and tradition in me without hesitation gives the honor to my dad, however my heart tells me he doesnt deserve it. It took me almost a week and a half after my Babeos popped the question, before I could even get a hold of him to let him know. Despite my countless attempts!
After I finally told him, there was not joy at all, he actually yelled at me told me we were stupid and no clue what we were doing... says the man who has never been married!
The definition of insanity is to repeat the same act countless times but expecting different results, I guess when it comes to my father I am completely insane! There are only so many times I can let him back in expecting different results.
Since that conversation I have not spoken to him, this was the first year ever that I have not called him for Father's Day, but I have to what is best for me an my mental health. I continue to respect him, but now from a distance. I have allowed my father to impact and effect my emotions for way to long. I am only making myself a victim when I know how him stand, but expect him to change. Do not get it twisted I know God can change anyone, his mercy is like no other. But as of today my father is not falling inthat category of wanting to change.
The questions or shall I say concerns about him walking be down the isle have only thickened. Many are saying that if I do not allow him to do it not am I just erasing him, but that whole side of my family. I have been given so many ideas and "suggestions" on what to do. Some say to allow one of my uncles do it, but to me that casues more harm than good, how offended would my father really be knowing that I did not want him to give me away but instead I want one of his brothers to do it. Then I thought I would ask an uncle on my mother's side to do it who was actually my legal gaurdian for a year and has always been apart of my life, but that goes back to not having a representative from my fathers side. Now they are saying I should allow my grandmother to do it. Thank God I have a years and half to make this desicion, I do not think it is meant to be this hard! Who knows I have got almost two years, maybe my dad will become a different person by them and will earn the title of my father aand the honor to walk me down the isle. Until then I have made an enegagement to move on!