Dear Parent: Watch Yo Mouth!

I was recently tagged in this photo on Facebook!
What benefit can you speaking negatively about your ex-partner in front of, better yet to the child do?

Sister Love

I have the tendency to be stuck in my own feelings sometimes, and I begin to dwell on certain aspects of my life. Lately my sisters have been very heavy on my mind. When I was little I use to beg my mom for a sibling; I longed for that "normal" sibling rivalry and love. She always told me I was more than enough, and she’s never having anymore! I have been blessed to make some great friends over the years that are practically sisters to me, but it is never the same. When I was 7 two years after my parents had officially separated I was in Jersey at a funeral with my father, a day that I will never forget. My father was driving on the way to the burial site. I was in the back seat on the left hand side, while another girl who I later found out was 2 years older than me was sitting to the right of me. We are following the long line of cars when my father looks through the rearview mirror, and say “Pussneck(my nick name) , this is Shante.” I smiled and waved “hi,” as he continued to say “she is YOUR older sister.” At first I had no grasp on what he had said, in my naive mind, she couldn’t be my sister, we didn’t live together, she is older how come I have never met her, grandad always said I was the first grandchild… so my mind landed on denial. He continued to reassure me that she was in fact my sister and that I should talk to her…

I could only imagine what was going through her mind, I wonder if she already knew who I was? How she felt? Was she in denial too?

The rest was a bit of a blur, it’s funny how I forget what I eat for lunch, but that day rings through so vivid in my mind still. I never really spoke to or saw her again until my freshman year of high school. Everyone use to say we looked so much alike, her freshman class picture and mine were identical! There was no denying my site alone that we were related. I still have hers ironically in a "bestfriend" picture frame on my dressing table; I guess I hope one day all four  of us will be bestfirends. Oh she wasn’t the only one, of course by this time I accepted she was my sister and had a better understanding of how; after finding out I have two other sisters Brea and Tiffany they are younger than me though. So needless to say I did not have that “typical” sister relationship or experience. Luckily I was able to see my little sisters more often, with their countless trips to South Florida and our trips we went on together! At one point they were coming up every summer, so I formed somewhat of a sisterly bound during the summer time, but I always had an older sister that I had no contact with and no one seemed to know how to contact her.

Then the wonderful world of technology and social media intervened. I had been searching for her on social media multiple times, but come up empty every time. After years of no luck; I had begun to accept that I may never get to know her, or find her. Then one day I saw her mom comment on another relatives post. I instantly requested her and asked “where and how is Shante?” Which at the time I think I was spelling incorrectly.  The issue was I was looking for her under my last name, because Tiffany, Brea, and myself have our father’s last name so I assumed Shante would too, but I stand corrected. So of course I found her and requested her;when I ofund her she accepted it was almost like finding out I had a sister for the first time again. This all took place a little over a year ago, and while this was taking place our dad was extremely ill, so as soon as she accepted I asked for her number so I could let her know what was going on. I will admit it was nerve racking and awkward to ask her for her number, it was like talking to a complete stranger, who I just found after 7 years and asking her for her personal information. CREEPY!lol!

The initial conversation was even more awkward, I remember I was on the Metro-Rail on my way home from visiting our dad at the hospital and whispered to myself it’s now or never! I called and was a little shocked that she answered, because I know I don’t answer foreign numbers, if your not saved in my contacts, good luck! As crazy as it was to talk to her on the phone, and inspite of the fact I was delivering bad news to someone who idealy was a stranger; saying OUR father is in ICU! I was relieved and happy to hear her voice and alk to her!

While we are now Facebook friends I still have not seen her in over 7 years, and we do not communicate as much as I would like,., I think since that phone call I havent spoken to her on the phone. Most people don’t even know I am not an only child. We have made attempts at trying to get know each other but I don’t think it will ever be the same until one of us makes that trip!

Hopefully as we all get older we will begin talk more often, recently there has been some more frequent communication on Facebook, but Tiffany doesn’t have one so I have not been able to contact her in a while either. While I know we may never be one big perfect happy family, I pray that we have some form of a "sisterly" relationship!

I LOVE YOU SISTERS!!!

Emotional Crutch

"Single parents make great parents too."

While doing research for Unstable Cradle, I found this statement and it made me think of the stereotype or crutch used not only by parents but children who are products of a single parent home. While I am not a parent, I do not know all the struggles, but I did grow up in a single parent home, and for a while I used the absence of my father as an excuse for decisions I made in life. But that is just it I made those decisions!  Yes rowing up with out a father or a mother is extremely difficult, I am not saying not to feel, however do NOT allow those feelings to cripple you. There are so many statics out there that prove growing up without a father can impact lives, from increased dropout rates to being fifteen times more likey to end up in jail. It is known for children who are missing a parent in life to act out, but at the end of the day those are their desicions or mistakes to make. You can not blame your circumstances on the fault of somebody elses lack of responsibility. If you use that sterotypical excuse for you actions a are avading responsibiliy yourself.

People do not realize it takes a village to raise a child, children are sponges and learn from their surrounding. Think about it, who are your child's role model, outside of mommy or daddy? -That is a whole nother post!

I had a student once who would act out beyond belief, he even went so far as to punch another instructor. When we had a confrence with his  parent, the  mother's excuse was she was a single parent! I grew up in a single parent home as you all know and I was never raised to act in such a manner, and if I did my mother would have repremanded for that choice I made! Not to say I was the perfect child or even that my mother was a perect mother, however my mother was able to be the best parent he could with or without my father. Therefore the statement should not be "single parents make great parents too," instead single parents make great parents!

Never let your PAST depict your FUTURE!!!

Turn it Around

God's blessings are endless, and He has a way of restoring faith and hope in the world. I am sure a lot of you watched the show The Voice last night especially since it was on directly after the Superbowl. If you watched it you saw and heard part of the story of JESSE CAMPBELL: a devoted father and as you can tell a spectacular singer. During the quick glimpse we saw of his life, his wife walked out on their family, and Campbell with nowhere to turn with his daughter became homeless, and then eventually moved in with Campbell's brother where he then got on his feet. The brief story of his life renewed faith and compassion within me, so I wanted to know more. So very often the posts I have written on here are about a fahter walking out on the family, or abandoning his responsibilties not just as a dad but a true father, but even when most would have felt defeated Campbell kept the faith.

Campbell's story resembles Mandate although signed to Capital Records and having two hits, he did not let obstacles in the industry alongside the abrupt changes in his life discourage him, and now on The Voice he is here to do it all again for his daughter.  Campbell stands out to me becasue he truly puts his daughter first, I checked his twitter the morning after the show aired and his tweet declared how busy his night had been with the influx of twitter mentions, and facebook request not to mention phone calls, but he wrote his daughter comes first and he would respond to all of that when she was in school.

His story shows us that you never know what tomorrow can bring, and what God truly has in store for you. Success is not always about finances, and it not the most important thing in life.

Look out for Jesse Campbell on The Voice.
Follow him @singjessesing
Check out his website for information and his blog. http://www.jessecampbell.com/

COURAGEOUS

A friend asked me over coffee the other day, "do you still blog?"

I know it has been months since I have posted any, but my life has taken drastic changes during that time, and I can not tell you how many blogs I have started and not finished and posted, due to LIFE! I am however commited to continuing to blog....
                                                                                         

Where do I even begin with this movie? Most defnitely the best movie I have ever seen! Statistics show that women end up with a partner that resembles their father, and I do not mean physically but characteristics. However that does not mean it is ever womens destiny, but if every father stepped up and displayed the courage and faith displayed in Courageous, it would be the ultimate blessing.

I do not want to give away the movie becasue it is a must see, I literally cried the whole movie to see the compassion and pride these men took in becoming the best fathers and husbands they could possibly be through trails and tribulations.

Just think for a second how different the world would be today, children had a a role model that was actually their father, and his model was our one true heavenly Father.

Not only should every man watch this film,especially men with children, but women need to see it also. Men are meant to be the leader in their households, and in todays society that is lacking, especially since many are single parent households. I would  love for every man to make commitments similar to the ones the men in the movie made, in my opnion the day your child is born the commitment should have been made, if not earlier. Chlidren need guidance, and while it take a village to raise a child, it starts in the household and if that family unit is already broken, children explore other alternatives. There are to many boys claiming to men, and to many dads not being fathers, and it is time for them to STEP UP! 


"Where are you men of Courage?"

Fairytale Ending????

I am sure I could never imagine the suffering some foster kids endure, but there is always meant to be a light at the end of that tunnel.... adoption. But what happens when that adoption only leads to more suffering instead of that Annie fairytale ending. The other morning I woke up extremely early for a saturday, and decieded to watch the news for the first time in forever. There was a story dicussing the Florida Department of Children and Families and forster kids speaking out!
It is sad to say that some people adopt chldren for that check they will obtain every month ranging from $510-$570 monthly, instead looking out for the best interest of the children. It is like moving from one bad situation to the next... and as a child what do you do if you can not speak out for yourslef but expect a case worker to speak for you. This where I truely became appalled, when the director of DCF who's clip I show below basically says "it is what is" when it comes to children being abused after being adopted. While she attempted to expresss her piont in a more tactful manner it didnt really work out. While I may understand that the adoptive parents are not making this abuse blatant, but for her to basically shrug her shoulders of the situation of having more consistant check it absurd.
I was just enraged by the whole situation, while I have never been the situation I have friends and family members who have and I just taken back by her attitude to this tragic situation. I just though I would share with all of you....and see what you all think?

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The Perfect Stranger!!!

Imagine meeting the perfect stranger, and it being your father. Giacomo Knox last saw his father in 1975 and has not seen or spoken to him for 33 years. But in 2009 Giacomo was able to reconnect and spend "A Week With His Father," and film it for all of us to see.

I must say his reality series is a must see, it is so moving, and reaches so many levels.

For a really long time you all know, at least if you have been reading my blog, I have struggled with the relationship with my father and felt resentment towards him. I was not given or demand the opportunity Giacomo was, but like Giacomo through my faith I have found peace in the situation.

Gia,como's story was amazing becaus ehe found out a lot information that was told was not all together, and the best part was his father wanted to be in his life, where he was told the opposite. 
Going back to the post I wrote other day.

It took me a really long time to write this post because I just felt like no matter what I wrote I did not do it justice(still feel that way) because the webepisodes speak for themselves. And you all need to watch! It can be life changing if you let it!

Trailer: http://youtu.be/uQ6kTJrbrdY
http://www.aweekwithmyfather.com/

Well I actually was able to connect with Mr. Knox, and was more than willing to do an interview with me, (I think that why it was so nerve racking). After you al watch his movement you should definitely read the interview to gain some more insight!

ENJOY!!!

How did your faith and relationship with the lord strengthen your
situation with your dad?
I like to think that anyone who has strong faith in YHVH is

invincible.  I've seen many miracles happen simply because someone
believed and acted on the belief.  The only real obstacle to
meeting my dad was getting the finances together so I could shoot
the pilot.  We got right down to the wire, the money showed up!
But even before then, while I had great faith in YHVH, I believe He
was calling me to do this show and reunite with my father, so I
could tell other young men and women that fatherhood is important.
And to show was real forgiveness looks like - it starts with family.

Do you feel that since you have spent that week with your father you found
peace with the relationship?
Absolutely! I wanted to know him, know why he and my mother

split up, what he's been doing since we split up, and what kind
of relationship I could expect from him now that we're adults.
As time allows, I hope to spend a lot more time with him!

What advice do you have for people that are going through similar
situations but do not have the opportunity to meet their father?
First off, the only valid reason for not having an opportunity to

meet your father is because he's no longer alive.  Most resistant
people I've spoken to are either afraid or harbor some sort of
resentment toward their fathers, and it's understandable.

When a relationship breaks up, sometimes the truth is obscured as
to why a father leaves the home.  The best advice I can give is to
find out the truth, or at least your father's version of the truth.
 Seek him out and have an open mind. Hear his side of the story and
see if you'd like to pursue a relationship with him.

How has your relationship with your mother and her side of the family
changed?
To be honest, I think she's still a little annoyed with me for doing

this show, and I can understand.  There are some old wounds that
have never  healed, and perhaps the show will help along the healing
process with her as well.  She's happy that I created a show of this
caliber and very supportive of my efforts, however.
As far as my mother's family, I've not spoken to most of them at
length about the project.  It has caused me to look at them a little
differently, but again this show is about forgiveness.  Whatever
happened way back when I was 5 is over, and I harbor no resentment
toward any of the players involved.  That includes my mother!

Has your bond with your father grown since filming?
I believe we've bonded since filming the show!  He lives in my home

state of New Jersey, so it's hard to speak with him on a consistent
basis.  Again as time and my schedule allow, I will fly out or have
him fly out so we can spend some more quality time together.

Do you plan on continuing filming, showing the growing relationship
between you and your father?My partner Julie House and I have toyed with the idea of filming

"father and son follow ups" as a way of encouraging the viewers to
pursue relationships with their fathers.  Once the show gets picked
up a by  network or cable station, they will make the final
determination.  I don't see it as being anything but a way to
enhance the program and further inspire the audience.

If you continue do you think you would ever get both of your parents
together to discuss what happened in the past?Now that's an idea!  In my situation there is so much animosity

between my father and mother, that it seems impossible.  But as I'm
fond of saying, "there is nothing impossible with YHVH!"  The show
being about forgiveness, a reunion episode with the parents as a
follow up might encourage struggling couples to stay together as
well.

How do you think this experience will impact you as a father if/when you

become one?From my upbringing, to the time I spent in the Marine Corps, to my

life since then and the show, I know that I will be an excellent
father.  One of the things necessary for a man to be a good father
is patience.  Even at 41 I'm learning more and more about patience,
and how it applies toward child-rearing.
It's quite clear that my father made some mistakes, otherwise there'd
be no show!  I know many of the things my mother told me, and many of
the things he admitted to doing, and I will use them and my personal
experiences in raising my kids.

At what point in time did you establish your relationship with god? Like
what led you to him?
Wow, this could be the longest response ever!  I grew up catholic and

was very religious.  Religion however hates being questioned, and
since that time I've learned to see religious traditions as a
construct of man.  I left catholicism and floundered for 3 years in
"the world" before YHVH (G-d) broke me down to my knees and gave me a
choice between Him and the world.
After sometime in the Foursquare movement, I found it incomplete and
lacking real spiritual foundation.  And yes, many man-made constructs.
My faith now reincorporates the Hebraic elements including Torah (The Law
of G-d or First 5 books of the Bible) that were removed from Christianity
by man-made tradition and Antisemitism.  I no longer celebrate Christmas,
Easter or other religious holidays not featured in Scripture, and I no
longer worship YHVH on Sunday, opting for Saturday Sabbath rest and
worship and communing with the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit).  Essentially
I call myself a Torah-Observant follower of Yahushua (Jesus), and opt to
use the Scripturally correct Set-Apart names:  YHVH, etc.
What led me to Him was the same thing that we are all searching for:  to
fill that "G-d shaped hole" in our heart.  Some try to do it with drugs,
alcohol, sex; some do it with gods that can't or won't help them, I did it
with the One who put on human flesh and died in my place.  What an awesome
love story!
I would encourage all Christians who believe we are under Grace and not
The Law to do their independent research as to what The Law actually says.
Most of us already obey G-d's Law - Yahushua died so we wouldn't have to
suffer the punishment for accidental disobedience.  The Law was never set
aside by Yahushua, in fact He confirmed it.  What we are no longer under
are the man-made traditions, which are impossible to keep (!) and make
null and void the Word of G-d.