Mandate

We are more or less at the end of the first month of the new year, and I know like most, a lot of you have made some resolutions. Things that we decide we want to change or dedicate ourselves too, unfortunately very few us actually live up to those resolutions past Janruary. I know because I am guilty of the same thing. Why is it that we need a new beginning to change and decide to make moves to better ourselves. People see critcism as a negative thing, as though other people telling you, you CAN do better is the be all end all!

Instead of interalizing that constructive criticism, why not use it constructivaly to progress. We all have our talents and we should be using them to impact lives, change minds, and for own internal happiness; but instead many of us are using our blessings to become famous or wealthy. Those things are good and of course beneficial ,but if they do not come should we give up? I have been taught that failure is not an option, but what is the true definition of failure? Trying something and it not going my way or turning out the way I expected? Is that a failure, or a lesson learned?


I do not have the answers I am searching for them myself, but I know I am not the best alyrical I can be, so should I give up hope?

Lets face it the majority of us, myself included, are hard headed and have the egotistical spirit that we know it at all, whether we do or not. Why can we not accept that we can be better individuals, and strive for that better part of ourselves. I heard this poem on Brave New Voices and it really hit home. I constantly strive to be the best, not that anything is wrong with that, but when I realize I am not I become discouraged and defeated. Instead I should be using that moment as a push of encouragement. So this year and every year after I want to take that chance and make failure an motivation! 




                                                                                      -alyrical

COURAGEOUS

A friend asked me over coffee the other day, "do you still blog?"

I know it has been months since I have posted any, but my life has taken drastic changes during that time, and I can not tell you how many blogs I have started and not finished and posted, due to LIFE! I am however commited to continuing to blog....
                                                                                             -alyrical

Where do I even begin with this movie? Most defnitely the best movie I have ever seen! Statistics show that women end up with a partner that resembles their father, and I do not mean physically but characteristics. However that does not mean it is ever womens destiny, but if every father stepped up and displayed the courage and faith displayed in Courageous, it would be the ultimate blessing.

I do not want to give away the movie becasue it is a must see, I literally cried the whole movie to see the compassion and pride these men took in becoming the best fathers and husbands they could possibly be through trails and tribulations.

Just think for a second how different the world would be today, children had a a role model that was actually their father, and his model was our one true heavenly Father.

Not only should every man watch this film,especially men with children, but women need to see it also. Men are meant to be the leader in their households, and in todays society that is lacking, especially since many are single parent households. I would  love for every man to make commitments similar to the ones the men in the movie made, in my opnion the day your child is born the commitment should have been made, if not earlier. Chlidren need guidance, and while it take a village to raise a child, it starts in the household and if that family unit is already broken, children explore other alternatives. There are to many boys claiming to men, and to many dads not being fathers, and it is time for them to STEP UP! 


"Where are you men of Courage?"

Be Blessed!!!

Recently a lot of truely amazing things have been happening in my life, I am currently work for a non-profit organization that has given me the oppurtunity to obtain my dream of being an artist while working with kids at the same time; while still keeping the same focuses of Unstable Cradle! I am finally getting back to my art(www.wix.com/stephaniegowdy/alyrical), which who ever truely knows me, understands that is my real love... and not only have I returned to my love I am actually making money for it(NOT THAT IT IS ABOUT THAT!). I am about to start my final year of school, graduating in May with my Bachelors in Business. With all this positivity fluding my life, negativity has been intruding my thoughts and my spirit constantly.

I have been truely battling this emotionally for sometime, while continuing to put on my normal brave face. The past 8 months I have learned a lot about who I am, and my actions. Everybody has the yerning to be accepted actually my pal wrote about that very thing this morning(www.yourbloodismyblood.com). I defnitely will not deny my yerning for the same thing, but this has become my complete downfall. I am a people pleaser... meaning I do anything within my abilities to accomadate others without ever taking into consideration my own needs. I can count on one hand how often how this worked out for me, but I would need a hundred hands to count how many times it has caught me in sticky situations. No dont get it twisted I am not nagging or complaining abiout things I do for other becasue I like helping poeple... but I have a problem sometimes, where the answer should be "NO" or "NOT RITE NOW," or one of the other million and one excuses I get from the same people when I turn around and ask them for help... but I never do. I expect to be treated with the same respect I give you, my time is just as valuable as yours. I did not even realize how much this was happening until a friend pointed it out to me, and then continued to acknowlegde it everytime it reoccured. The sitauation has made me very weary and cautious of people, I always use to look for the good in people, but now I am just untrusting wether I have known you for years or not. I am starting to feel like paranoia is setting in. Anyway I am working on it.. but I know it will be a never ending battle becasue I am a giver, always have been.. I mean it is truely a blessing to be able to give rather than recieve?

- @MsChay84

Speaking of blessings, as I said previously a lot of really great things are happening to me.. but I just feel some kind of way about it all. For once my life is coming together and emotionally I feel like I am falling apart all over again. I know a large portion of it is me not being in the word like I know I should be. For a period of time I was really progressing and walking forward in regards to my relationship with the Lord, but recently I feel like I am at a stand still. I will tell you the reason I first started going to church, I had a friend who I had known for years and we lost contact, then one day her and her now husband walked into my store (bath & body works) and we started talking and catching up. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. Then I started to see her more frequently in the store when ever I worked and sometimes she was just coming from church, well they always seem to be filled with so much joy. I was longing to feel that same joy I felt they had. This was also rite after I had gotten out the hospital and my father and I were still not on speaking terms. So I reached out to her, and basically invited myself to church with her. From day one as I have told you in previous post I loved it! I felt so welcome, and I was building a relationship with God, started serving in different ministries within the church, I even went out and bought myself a new Bible! I was feeling good again and things were looking up. But now that I have reached this abrupt hault I find myself looking down. I found myself beginning to pull away from everybody and church as a whole... while I never delibrately missed a service or two, I did not make the proper efforts. I am now trying to get back, and I know it is just the devil trying to stop me from recieving my blessing; but the devil is a LIAR!!!!  Another thing that caused me to stray, is whenever I do get closer to God and continue to build our relationship, I have these reoccuring dreams or shall I say nightmares, I dont even want to go into the dreams because they are so haunting and I refuse to even give the devil that kind of victory! 

I was actually talking to a good friend(@jojoleneee) of mine about this, who is also struggling with some of the same things. We have made a pact to come up with a Devotional plan, and we will basically checkin with eachother to make sure we are staying on track and weekly we will have bible studies together, so we can really dive into the word. I love my pal, and love have a christian friend to confide in... I truely wish I had more(not to say she is the only one!).

I am truely hoping this will help get me back on track and replenish my motivation. 

NO MATTER HOW HARD the devil TRIES I WILL BE BLESSED!!!!  

Fairytale Ending????

I am sure I could never imagine the suffering some foster kids endure, but there is always meant to be a light at the end of that tunnel.... adoption. But what happens when that adoption only leads to more suffering instead of that Annie fairytale ending. The other morning I woke up extremely early for a saturday, and decieded to watch the news for the first time in forever. There was a story dicussing the Florida Department of Children and Families and forster kids speaking out!
It is sad to say that some people adopt chldren for that check they will obtain every month ranging from $510-$570 monthly, instead looking out for the best interest of the children. It is like moving from one bad situation to the next... and as a child what do you do if you can not speak out for yourslef but expect a case worker to speak for you. This where I truely became appalled, when the director of DCF who's clip I show below basically says "it is what is" when it comes to children being abused after being adopted. While she attempted to expresss her piont in a more tactful manner it didnt really work out. While I may understand that the adoptive parents are not making this abuse blatant, but for her to basically shrug her shoulders of the situation of having more consistant check it absurd.
I was just enraged by the whole situation, while I have never been the situation I have friends and family members who have and I just taken back by her attitude to this tragic situation. I just though I would share with all of you....and see what you all think?

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The Perfect Stranger!!!

Imagine meeting the perfect stranger, and it being your father. Giacomo Knox last saw his father in 1975 and has not seen or spoken to him for 33 years. But in 2009 Giacomo was able to reconnect and spend "A Week With His Father," and filmed it for all of us to see.

I must see his reality series is a must see, it is so moving, and reaches so many levels.

For a really long time you all know, at least if you have been reading my blog, I have struggled with the relationship with my father and felt resentment towards him. I was not given or demand the opportunity Giacomo was, but like Giacomo through my faith I have found peace in the situation.

Gia,como's story was amazing becaus ehe found out a lot information that was told was not all together, and the best part was his father wanted to be in his life, where he was told the opposite. 
Going back to the post I wrote other day.

It took me a really long time to write this post because I just felt like no matter what I wrote I did not do it justice(still feel that way) because the webepisodes speak for themselves. And you all need to watch! It can be life changing if you let it!

Trailer: http://youtu.be/uQ6kTJrbrdY

www.aweekwithmyfather.com

Well I actually was able to connect with Mr. Knox, and was more than willing to do an interview with me, (I think that why it was so nerve racking). After you al watch his movement you should definitely read the interview to gain some more insight!

ENJOY!!!

How did your faith and relationship with the lord strengthen your
situation with your dad?
I like to think that anyone who has strong faith in YHVH is

invincible.  I've seen many miracles happen simply because someone
believed and acted on the belief.  The only real obstacle to
meeting my dad was getting the finances together so I could shoot
the pilot.  We got right down to the wire, the money showed up!
But even before then, while I had great faith in YHVH, I believe He
was calling me to do this show and reunite with my father, so I
could tell other young men and women that fatherhood is important.
And to show was real forgiveness looks like - it starts with family.

Do you feel that since you have spent that week with your father you found
peace with the relationship?
Absolutely! I wanted to know him, know why he and my mother

split up, what he's been doing since we split up, and what kind
of relationship I could expect from him now that we're adults.
As time allows, I hope to spend a lot more time with him!

What advice do you have for people that are going through similar
situations but do not have the opportunity to meet their father?
First off, the only valid reason for not having an opportunity to

meet your father is because he's no longer alive.  Most resistant
people I've spoken to are either afraid or harbor some sort of
resentment toward their fathers, and it's understandable.

When a relationship breaks up, sometimes the truth is obscured as
to why a father leaves the home.  The best advice I can give is to
find out the truth, or at least your father's version of the truth.
 Seek him out and have an open mind. Hear his side of the story and
see if you'd like to pursue a relationship with him.

How has your relationship with your mother and her side of the family
changed?
To be honest, I think she's still a little annoyed with me for doing

this show, and I can understand.  There are some old wounds that
have never  healed, and perhaps the show will help along the healing
process with her as well.  She's happy that I created a show of this
caliber and very supportive of my efforts, however.
As far as my mother's family, I've not spoken to most of them at
length about the project.  It has caused me to look at them a little
differently, but again this show is about forgiveness.  Whatever
happened way back when I was 5 is over, and I harbor no resentment
toward any of the players involved.  That includes my mother!

Has your bond with your father grown since filming?
I believe we've bonded since filming the show!  He lives in my home

state of New Jersey, so it's hard to speak with him on a consistent
basis.  Again as time and my schedule allow, I will fly out or have
him fly out so we can spend some more quality time together.

Do you plan on continuing filming, showing the growing relationship
between you and your father?My partner Julie House and I have toyed with the idea of filming

"father and son follow ups" as a way of encouraging the viewers to
pursue relationships with their fathers.  Once the show gets picked
up a by  network or cable station, they will make the final
determination.  I don't see it as being anything but a way to
enhance the program and further inspire the audience.

If you continue do you think you would ever get both of your parents
together to discuss what happened in the past?Now that's an idea!  In my situation there is so much animosity

between my father and mother, that it seems impossible.  But as I'm
fond of saying, "there is nothing impossible with YHVH!"  The show
being about forgiveness, a reunion episode with the parents as a
follow up might encourage struggling couples to stay together as
well.

How do you think this experience will impact you as a father if/when you

become one?From my upbringing, to the time I spent in the Marine Corps, to my

life since then and the show, I know that I will be an excellent
father.  One of the things necessary for a man to be a good father
is patience.  Even at 41 I'm learning more and more about patience,
and how it applies toward child-rearing.
It's quite clear that my father made some mistakes, otherwise there'd
be no show!  I know many of the things my mother told me, and many of
the things he admitted to doing, and I will use them and my personal
experiences in raising my kids.

At what point in time did you establish your relationship with god? Like
what led you to him?
Wow, this could be the longest response ever!  I grew up catholic and

was very religious.  Religion however hates being questioned, and
since that time I've learned to see religious traditions as a
construct of man.  I left catholicism and floundered for 3 years in
"the world" before YHVH (G-d) broke me down to my knees and gave me a
choice between Him and the world.
After sometime in the Foursquare movement, I found it incomplete and
lacking real spiritual foundation.  And yes, many man-made constructs.
My faith now reincorporates the Hebraic elements including Torah (The Law
of G-d or First 5 books of the Bible) that were removed from Christianity
by man-made tradition and Antisemitism.  I no longer celebrate Christmas,
Easter or other religious holidays not featured in Scripture, and I no
longer worship YHVH on Sunday, opting for Saturday Sabbath rest and
worship and communing with the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit).  Essentially
I call myself a Torah-Observant follower of Yahushua (Jesus), and opt to
use the Scripturally correct Set-Apart names:  YHVH, etc.
What led me to Him was the same thing that we are all searching for:  to
fill that "G-d shaped hole" in our heart.  Some try to do it with drugs,
alcohol, sex; some do it with gods that can't or won't help them, I did it
with the One who put on human flesh and died in my place.  What an awesome
love story!
I would encourage all Christians who believe we are under Grace and not
The Law to do their independent research as to what The Law actually says.
Most of us already obey G-d's Law - Yahushua died so we wouldn't have to
suffer the punishment for accidental disobedience.  The Law was never set
aside by Yahushua, in fact He confirmed it.  What we are no longer under
are the man-made traditions, which are impossible to keep (!) and make
null and void the Word of G-d.

The Inconvenient Truth

The truth is you are misfit
uncomfortably placed in my life
forced to carry you, constantly adjusting you
attempting to dispose of you, but what does one do with something of no
market value?
see the truth is you are mistaken
convinced you know all the facts
forced to play out my life in acts
this mess of a drama is my bondage
see the reality is you are miserably confused
leaving me victim to that abuse
that common misuse of the word truth
still left with no value
see the truth is you are considerably misplaced
left in an untangled web
say i'm saying alot without saying nothing at all
but my silence speaks volumes
enough to fill dark damp steel bonded rooms
see you need some assistance
objectifying your will with no resistance
your inconvenient truth is i am living in mess cause i am misfit, mistaken,
miserably confused, and considerably misplaced.

"The Truth Without Photoshop"

Power of Speech!!

Kids say the darn-est things, but truly kids just speak the truth. But sometime it is not always their truth but words spoken from another individual. The other night one of my students started rambling to me, you know how little kids speak about anything and everything no matter where they are. well during bible study she came up to me and said "my daddy has a brother and he is super lazy, and he does nothing for himself, and all he ever does is boss his mommy around."


Now I highly doubt that those theories and characteristic developments came from the observations of a 5 yr old, although I know children understand a lot more than we give them credit for. This sweet little girl was probably just repeating words spoken from another adult. Her words got me thinking how single parents talk about the the opposite spouse. People do not understand the power of words, and how much words can impact an individual. 



I always thought of words like little seeds and once a seed it planted it can either wither away or grow, and a majority of the time it grows and flourishes. People fail to understand that a negative comments stays so much longer than a positive one, and those negative comments only water that seed. In most cases single mothers speak very harshly about the father whether they are dead beats or not. Those comments place deep rooted seeds in a child, especially because they are so susceptible to the world around them. Spreading that negativity can mold how a child looks at the absentee parent, and no matter what the parent does the child forms some sort of resentment which can make forming a relationship next to impossible. 


There are so many organization willing to help individuals in circumstances such as these. The Toby Center in Boynton Beach is a prime example, the center dedicates there time to assisting single, separated, divorced and never-married parents with court ordered services including: family court mediation, supervised shared parenting (visitation), custody consultations, shared parenting plans and more!


My mother always use to tell me "sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you." and as I got older I realized that statement was not all together true. Words leave the deepest scars of them all, and take the longest to heel if they ever do.

Blow A Bubble!

Many if you may not know,(or maybe you do) that Parent Alienation Aawareness Day is fast approaching us on April 25th, 2011. For those who do not know parental alienation is a social dynamic when a child expresses unjustified hatred or unreasonably strong dislike of one parent, making access by the rejected parent difficult or impossible. This is usually a result of extreme marriage conflict, seperation, or divorce. These feelings may be influenced by negative comments by the other parent and by the characteristics, such as lack of empathy and warmth, of the rejected parent.
Displaying a group of behaviors that are damaging to children's mental and emotional well-being, and can interfere with a relationship of a child and either parent.
 It may not seem like exactly what Unsatble Cradle is about, but in a way it is, its not all about absentee fathers, this dynamic, is leaving the same effect on a child. I encourage everybody to become involved, and do what they can. I have listed numerous event below taking place all over the world on April 25th, and if there is not one in your area create one!


Blow a bubble for a hurting child!
http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/


PAAD EVENTS 2011


RIBBON CUTTING CEREMONY FOR PARENT ALIENATION AWARENESS DAY
Time Monday, April 25 · 12:00pm - 2:00pm Poland and abroad , ,
contact: Parental Alienation Awareness Committee, kpor@googlegroups.com
We invite you to read articles about Parental Alienation and its negative effects for children, parents and society on our website: www.kpor.pl They are Polish written, but they can be easily translated into other languages, when you use Internet browser tools. Because of lack at primary PAS conception and strong and effective propaganda attacks against PAS conception and its author we do not recommend to promote activity against PAS to do not damage effects of your efforts on Parental Alienation Awareness Day.


'Bubbles of LOVE'
Monday, April 25, 2011 12:00pm
Tweed Shire Council - Murwillumbah Office - Civil Murwillumbah, New South Wales, Australia
contact: , debbycook7@gmail.com
Parental Alienation Awareness Day!!! On April 25th 2011, After the Anzac Day Parade & the official ceremonies have finished. At 12Pm I will start ...blowing ..'Bubbles of LoVe'....all are welcome!!! to come join me, to help bring world wide awareness to Parental Alienation. The PAAO Brochure will be available for interested people. Thankyou Kindly, Debby Cook


Fun in Park, theme "Bringing Families Together" In support of International Parental Alienation Awareness Day April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011 1:30pm
Victoria Park Hamilton, , Bermuda
contact: Edward Tavares, etavares23@yahoo.com
We will be holding a, Fun in the Park, theme "Bringing Families Together". Minister Glen Blakeney JP. MP. of Youth, Sports, and Families, will be reading the proclamation. Also, Senator Susann Holshouser will speak and Dr. Ernest Peets will give an opening prayer. There will be games, fun castles, Muppet show, magic shows, train rides and prizes. In addition, we are working towards bringing the awareness of "Bubbles of Love April 25" noon day in Bermuda. We are happy to join hands with the world to bring this awareness and wish everyone a great success, to make the world a better place for our children.


Red Deer PA Awareness Day & Bubbles of Love BBQ!
Monday, April 25, 2011 11:00 am M
SOBEY'S eastvies, 3849 - 40th AVE Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
contact: Rhonda or Craig, parkca@hotmail.ca
Sobey's had generously sponsored our Bubbles of Love Day event! They will be hosting a BBQ at their store location as listed. We will blow those Bubbles of Love at Noon, with Panda Abuzz, face painting for the kids by Annie, an information table, books and DVD's on Parental Alienation will be for sale and more Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles!!! All Welcome!!! Hope to see you there! Co hosted by PARK and FSCA!!


Drop In
Monday, April 25, 2011 1pm
#207-230 West Broadway Vancouver, BC, Canada
contact: Dr. Jerry Arthur-Wong, men@vcn.bc.ca
The drop in will be hosted by the BC Men's Resource Centre. All are welcome.


Toronto Bubbles of Love Day
Monday, April 25, 2011 Noon-2
Yonge & Dundas Square Toronto, Ontario, Canada
contact: Sarvy Emo, sarvy@paawareness.org
Join us on April 25th at Yonge & Dundas square at the corner of Yonge and Dundas, across from the Eaton Center, on Monday April 15th to blow soap bubbles of love on Parental Alienation Awareness Day. We will be there at 11:30, ready to blow those bubbles at noon when the whistle blows. Bring your kids, your dog, your family and dont' forget your soap bubbles! Flash Mobs welcome!


Red Deer PA Awareness Day hosted by PARK- PA Risks Kids,
Saturday, April 23, 2011 12:00 pm
Parkland Mall, 67st and 50th Ave Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
contact: Rhonda Pisanello, derrhon@xplornet.com
There will be an information table set up inside the mall with Panda Abuzz Mascot handing out Easter candy for kids and the Tree of Love. Books and DVD's about parental alienation will be for sale along with PAAO brochure handouts. PARK members are hosting the event. PARK is a local support group in Red Deer for families going through Parental Alienation and they operate under the umbrella of the non-profit, Family Services of Central Alberta. All welcome!


Love Is For Everyone! Bubbles of Love
11:30am
Centennial Park Accessible Playground Barrie, Ontario, Canada
contact: Paulette MacDonald, completewellness@sympatico.ca
http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WMFTG_Centennial_Park_Accessible_Playground_Barrie_Ontario_CANADA
Love Is For Everyone! Write a Love Poem for your Child or Children and make a sign to post it on with pictures from when you were together… Bubbles of Love (Don’t forget to bring your bubbles and be creative!) – Children have the right to love and be loved by both their parents! We will have information available on Parental Alienation…


Public Information Desk for PAAD 2011, April 25
Saturday, April 23, 2011 11:00am
Biebergasse Frankfurt, , Gemany
contact: Thilo Muehlberger, shg@pas-rhein-main.de
We have a public information desk with posters, flyers, bubbles an so on in the inner city of Frankfurt. See our press release for this event also: http://www.pas-rhein-main.de/pressemitteilungen/2011-04-18_PAAD


Poland and abroad , , Poland
contact: Maciej Wojewódka,
I invite you for discussion about Parental Alienation and its negative effects for children, parents and society on Internet forum (Polish), which is linked below: http://www.goldenline.pl/forum/alienacja-rodzicielska Because of lack at primary PAS conception and strong and effective propaganda attacks against PAS conception and its author I do not recommend to promote activity against PAS conception to do not damage effects of your efforts on Parental Alienation Awareness Day.


Easter Bubbles of Love
Noon
plac Szczepañski, Kraków, Poland Kraków, , Poland
contact: Mr Maciej Wojewódka, kpor@googlegroups.com
We are inviting you to blow soap bubbles at noon for at least 10 minutes on April 25th 2011 with us. We will be blowing small and big soap bubbles to show that love carry us high and it can be break, as it happens because of Parental Alienation. We will be there already at 11.30 a.m.


Dia Internacional para a Consciencialização sobre a Alienação Parental
Monday, April 25, 2011 0h
Apartado 9865, Postal Code 1911-701 Lisbon, Porto, Coimbra, Évora, , Portugal
contact: , igualdadeparental@gmail.com


Bubbles of LOVE in Sweden
Monday, April 25, 2011 11:30 AM
Entrance Domus Kristianstad, , Sweden
contact: Hans-Inge Hansson, hihansson@hotmail.com
Domus entrance 25 April 11:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. bring the kids, family and friends and show that children's best interests must come first and not one parents. Bubbles will be blown starting at noon to show that just like bubbles, LOVE cannot and should not be contained.


Mothers For Justice Peaceful Protest for Parental Alienation Awareness
Monday, April 25, 2011 3pm
1315 10th Street Sacramento, CA, USA
contact: Mothers for Justice,
Join Mothers For Justice to protest peacefully with us and advocate for the rights of parental alienated and abused children in California. We will be at the capitol on April 25th at 3pm-4pm rain or shine. For more information, go to http://www.mothersforjustice.com/


Gathering of Family and Friends of Targeted Parents
Monday, April 25, 2011 7:00pm
Local Restaurant Rochester, NY, USA
contact: Tiana May, tianamay.rochpas@yahoo.com
Friends and family of members of the Rochester Parental Alienation Support and Resource Group will be gathering at a local restaurant on April 25th to commemorate the day. Event will be covered by a local cable-access show. Pink and blue bows will be placed on doorsteps, lamp posts, and trees during the month of April while fliers will be posted throughout the community to promote Parental Alienation Awareness Day. Bubbles will be blown at the event and brochures made available.


Bubble and Candlelight Visual for Parental Alienation Awareness Day
Monday, April 25, 2011 9:30pm
Broad & Parrish Philadelphia, PA, USA
contact: Leigh, leigh.garnett@truessenceangels.org
Bubbles will be blown and candles will be lit to open the eyes of this awful form of child abuse that seems to be overlooked and misunderstood. The ladies will be given bubbles and the men candles. A prayer shall be said for the victims and literature passed out.


BUBBLES OF LOVE DFW
Monday, April 25, 2011 11:00am
Central Park in Shops of Southlake SOUTHLAKE, TEXAS, USA
contact: WENDY ARCHER, wendyarcher@rocketmail.com
LOVE takes us all higher and the bubbles represent that LOVE. Just like bubbles, LOVE can not and should not be contained. Every child should be free to show LOVE and affection for both of their parents. Can you imagine the pain a child feels when they must "contain" their LOVE and affection for one of their parents? Remember the simple JOY of blowing bubbles? Children should get to experience the JOY of loving both parents! Please join us for BUBBLES OF LOVE DAY on April 25th and help us blow bubbles in support of children having the JOY of LOVE! Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW is family and pet friendly. Please email Wendy Archer for more information or to volunteer for this very special event.


4th Annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day Candlelight Vigil
Friday, April 29, 2011 6:00 PM
South Steps State Capitol 1900 Kanawha Blvd East Charleston, WV, USA
contact: Kelly Rice, kellyrrice@hotmail.com


Parental Alienation Awareness Day
Monday, April 25, 2011 8:30 am
West side steps of Marion County Courthouse 100 Hi Salem, OR, USA
contact: Kevin, messagesunlimited@gmail.com
Make a poster with photos of you and your child when you were together and meet us in front of the Marion County Courthouse to share your love and spread the word about this abuse that needs to be stopped. April is child abuse awareness month and alienating a child is a sever form of abuse. Every child has the right to love and to be shown love by both of its parents. We’ll be there from 8:30am to noon.


Bubbles of love
Noon - 4pm
Se Brentwood Park Portland, Or., USA
contact: todd maudlin, toddmaudlin@yahoo.com
Brentwood Park on Se. 60th & Duke. Noon-4 with music, food, drinks, bubble blowing, and literature on Parental Alienation. Also will be a live number to call for a FREE one on one phone consultation for Parental Alienation support!! Come have fun with the community and blow bubbles to spread love to the kids and parents effected by this horrible abuse everyday. Contact:Todd @ toddmaudlin@yahoo.com


International Bubbles of Love Committee
Monday, April 25, 2011 Noon
contact: Bubbles of Love Committee, bubbles2011love@gmail.com
We are inviting you to blow soap bubbles at noon your time for at least 10 minutes on April 25th 2011 with us. Join us to show that love carry us higher and it cannot be contained, as it happens because of Parental Alienation. We are inviting you to join to our International Bubbles of Love Committee as well. At our Committee we share knowledge, experience and ideas on how to make the Bubbles of Love Campaign the most effective way, everywhere.


Location THE TOBY CENTER
1100 S. Federal Drive, Suite 7
Boynton Beach, FL
Contact: www.thetobycenter.org
Tel. 561-509-6112
A ribbon cutting ceremony hosted by the Boynton Beach Chamber of Commerce in acknowledgement of Parental Alienation Awareness Day.
Proclamations will be delivered beginning at noon by Palm Beach County Commissioner,Steve Abrams and Boynton Beach Mayor, Jose Rodriguez. with at the Toby Center. Additional invited guests include Congressman Alan West. Rabbi Barry Silver will give the convocation.
Meet and greet professoinals, researchers,parents advocates. Students from Lynn University who are majors in Social Work, Pre Law and Psychology are also expected. They want to become part of the Toby Center summer internship program.
Refreshments will be provided.

Lone Soldier

Live And You Learn

Well first off I would like to say that I am sorry for offending or hurting anyone in my last post, I was just stating how I felt about a situation that happened to me, and I felt in a way I got played and it hurt. I always remember my mom teaching me there are three sides to every story your, mine and the truth. Since being in the hospital I been plagued by a lot of what ifs? What if I hadn't opened up to that individual/ what if i Hadnt snapped that day? what if I never wrote that last post? But that is done now, and you live and you learn and I have defnitely learned a lot. But thankfully through this situation I have been able to sift through and determine the people who are important to me and I them. I must say how thankful I am to a good friend of mine who I have known since I was a sophmore or junior in high school, and she has alwasy been good to me. Well I decided to go to church with her this past sunday, and I will continue going each and every sunday. Before this time it feels like its been months since I have been to church, which is not usually like me, but my mom has been working a second job and her shifts are on sundays.Plus now I am working three jobs, going to school fool time and trying to run my line. Anyway I absolutely loved her church, I was talking to my friends fiancee and he siad church is only place you can go and everytime you go, the pastor says exactly what you needed to hear that day, like it was just meant for you! That is exactly how I felt. Going to her church made me feel like I was back in Memphis, just that family feeling, and I am going to start helping our with Sunday  school just like I did at Breath of Life with Sabbath school. Now I admitt that I have done some wrong doings in my past, but I am no longer going to dwell on them, its time to move forward and look towards the future! "Becasue he has a blessing with my name on it!" But I am not going to get it if I continue to dwell on the past, and I am not saying its easy, actually its really hard but I am going to get through it, with his help and the help of the ones who truely love me!

I again wrote that a couple days ago and just hadnt posted yet becasu ethere was more I wanted to add, but now I have some really great news, or shall I say a blessing in disguise. Two days ago my father became very ill and was rushed to the Emergency room in Miami. I got a call from my grandmother around 10:00pm that hse didnt really know what was going on but that they were going to have to do emergency surgery. So my mother and quickly packed a bag a and got in the car on our way. When I got there they were just about to take him back into surgery and he was kind of out of it, but he woke up enough to see me, and needless to say he was shocked to see me. Words cant discribe how much love I felt for him at that moment, not to mention fear; especially since I asked the surgent what is going on, and response was "I dont know." Anyway he made it through surgery just fine and the worst part is over, but no one knows how scared I was, evenafter the doctor came in the waiting room and said its done and everything is going to be okay. After he left recovery and went him to his ward/room he still looked shock to see me there, and we got to talk for a little bit. When we were getting ready to leave the hospital he looked up at me reahed his arm out for a hug and said "I love you," it took everything in me not to cry. While I would have like to have met on better circumstances I really think this a stepping stone to a better relationship, and i have spoke to him everyday since the surgery.

Also that same day I had my first counseling session, and it went very well, it was more me talking and letting her know about me,but we are now goign to meet every tuesday. Also I found my sister on facebook, that may not sound like a big deal but I have not seen or spoken to her in years and I must say I missed her and my nephew.... so now we have exchanged number and we are going to try and communicate more...
Now there is not where to go but UP!

I've been Baker Acted!

Well I know it’s been a super long time since I posted anything, but life has been a huge jumbled mess the past couple of months and it finally erupted over the past couple weeks. Well in the past I have given everybody very brief descriptions about what has happened in life, mostly revolving around my father. But some very disturbing things have happened in my past and over the past couple weeks that I really need to get off my chest and writing and painting are my two main releases. For the past couple of years besides the problem with my dad I have also had some problems with my mom but more importantly I have problems with myself. I guess I will tell you the main thing and then things will all fall into place I guess. When I was 16 I attempted to take my life, I wasn’t so much unhappy with myself but unhappy with my circumstance and I felt as though they couldn’t be changed, and that the only way out was to stop breathing permanently. Only one person knew of my attempt and that was the person who saved me, so I started going to therapy but I didn’t stay in it long enough to make any true break threw. Well I had never told anyone about this event until recently, when I felt myself coming to that breaking point. This time the feeling was a little different, I had no intention nor did I want to hurt myself, but I wanted to be gone. I did not want anything physical to happen to me, especially not by my own hand but I wanted to disappear off this earth. I told someone that I thought was a really good friend. Well I guess words got slung around and some where in there they were taken out of context and she thought I had attempted to harm myself recently; and her response more than shocked me. The individual decided to abruptly delete me from facebook, unfollow me on twitter and delete me from her BBM, with out uttering a word to me. Eventually I realized and confronted her in disbelief and her response was…


“u need help and I cant help you. I can’t have it on my heart and mind that u want to commit suicide. I have a lot going on in my life. U need someone to help u sort that out…Therefore until u get ur life straightened out I can no longer continue my friendship w u…Hope u seek the help you need”



A little hurt and upset I attempted to explain to her that it was a long time ago, and after that she became even more enraged and told me…



“When u get ur life together u can hit me back. I don’t have time to play games. U played me by sayin all that to get my attention or to get attention period. Its time to grow up already, suicide is NOTHING TO PLAY WITH! Take some time to find yourself.”



Now first I would like to make it known that really could careless if she paid attention to me or not, most of time it didn’t feel like she cared about me anyway. I still ask myself why I chose her to open up to in the first place, maybe because she messaged me first asking if I was okay? But wait the story gets better I guess in caring nature, or make herself feel better she wrote my mother a letter saying that I was attempting to kill myself, well as a result my mother took me to the hospital where I was admitted for three days at St. Mary’s Hospital for Mental Health. That was most definitely an unforgettable experience. Everybody kept asking me if I was mad at the individual and for a while I wasn’t, I felt that by writing my mother for the first time it showed she actually cared about me, but then I thought and was like she deserted me basically when I needed her the most and no matter how hard I try to see it her way, I think that is the worst thing you can do to someone who was in my situation. To me if I was really on edge, her turning her back on me would have pushed me over it. And now she still will not communicate with me for nothing in the world, I am positive she doesn’t even know I was admitted. Since that conversation with her that Friday after noon my life and my emotions have kind of been a big downward spiral. But I took her advice while I was locked up under the Baker Act “take some time to find yourself” and I am working on that, to not only find myself to live my life for myself...
I am not going to lie some positive did come out of the experience even though I was kind of upset with my mother for Baker Acting me , even after I told her the individual was full of it, but I know that she was worried about me and truly just wanted me to be okay. While in the hospital I was told that I am bi-polar and that I suffer from depression, which I already knew but who doesn’t. But the bi polar thing kind of sense, I have extreme uncontrollable anger and the smallest thing can cause me to snap and then 15 minutes later after I scream, break some stuff , and curse a couple people out I am my happy go lucky self again. A lot of people do not know that because I would like to think I hide it well, but the truth is most people don’t care enough to pay attention. Even the individual who I have known for years said to me “ohhh boy I have never seen yiu like this….angry” I get so angry all the time and that is usually why I snap at people constantly, and I am always on the defense. I have this scenario in my mind that continues to play, that makes me feel that every time someone says something to me or questions my thoughts or actions I feel like I am being attacked so I attack back just like in middle school. The before mentioned “friend” once told me “you have a voice use it,” well I feel the only time it actually is heard is when I am yelling. The good news for the most part I know what my problems are, the only thing now is solving them, I thought about going back to counseling, but while it will be nice to have someone to talk to who actually listens, but I don’t know if it would actually help.


I wrote that a couple days ago but never posted it, well I finally got a hold of the letter the individual wrote to my mother. To be hones it just confused me even more, because although some of the stuff she wrote I personally feel is not true, the letter made it seem like she cared… I have one question that I want to ask her, which would confirm wether she is lying and whether or not she cares. If I hadn’t have noticed that you deleted me, where you going to say anything? She talks as though eventually one day we will be friends again, but I do not know how true that is, because I don’t think she wants to, and dependent on the answer she gives me to that question I don’t know if I can because can I truly trust her again. Not to mention the fact she posted parts of our conversation on twitter, and sent out a BBM blast, but she says it was accident and sent out a bbm blast apology, but still never said a word to me. Now about my experience in the hospital or more of the aftermath, to be honest I have felt like since I got out I feel like a crazy person. Like I actually have problems, and I know I am not tweaking crazy but somtimes I just feel even more emotionally unstable now than I did before I went in. My boyfriend says it is probably because being there and talking so much about suicide only made me relive the previous attempt that I never truly dealt with. Also I feel like since it happened maybe just because I am more aware, I feel like I hear about suicide everywhere non-stop. That alone is driving me crazy. It gets to the point were I go through such a rollercoaster of emotions that I get sad then I get so angry, beyond angry that I just cry, because I feel like I cant do anything else.

About 10 days ago I was sitting on the couch watching tv,while my mom was in the kitchen and I called out to her and said "mom I really love you" and she said " I love you too baby......... Are you okay?" I responded "yeah, why???" And she went on to say " I don't know, you just been acting strange, things between you and Micheal ok? Something you said, don't you miss your dad?" I thought for second and thought where should I even start to answer all those questions; I started with my dad because nothing was wrong between Mike and I, we have our up and downs, but nobody is perfect. My answer was "of course I miss my dad." Truth be told I have been missing him even when he was a part of my life! We started talking and she told me I should tell him I miss him, My mom told me that apparently he told my grandmother that it is going to take time! Which is more than understandable, look how long it took me to be able express my feelings!

I had begun writng that back in April, and just never posted it I dont know why but some progression has happened since that conversation between my mother and myself that day.. I actually ran into my dad at his job, and while intensity was high we did talk for a brief moment. Unstable Cradle was never mentioned, he didn't bring it up and I sure as hell wasn't going to!  We continued on with small talk for about 5 minutes with awkward questions about school, mike, and basketball; and all though it wasnt in-depth converstaion I was so happy we at least spoke.

Dreaming....

The other night I an extremely vivid dream, I really thought it was reality... and a huge part of me wishes it was reality!

I was at my fathers house, and I had spent the night there, and the dream began in the morning and I still can not recall who was with me, but the made me a hott drink(something my dad has every morning before he does anything). I rememeber thinking or maybe I said to the person I can't recall I am very suprised I am at my dad, and we are being civil and he hasnt asked to talk to me about Unstable Cradle. At that moment in the dream my father came around the corner with a cup of tea in hand, and smiled at me and whispered in my ear we should have lunch today, so we can talk. And I replied of course with a smile on my face, but in the dream I felt nervous as hell!!!! Then I woke up!!!

Now my mother has always said that dreams don't run straight, and sort of the opposite happens, but for the most part a significant amount of my dreams have become reality. I am hoping, praying, and wishing ona star that this one comes true!

Blood of Lyrics II

I have been told I've got some thick a** blood flowing through my veins

Thick like the head of the ignorant b**** I had to teach after she told me...

"locks are disgusting niggers get them after not washing their hair for a long time."

See that lesson played over and over in mind

I mean as foolish as she sounded I'm suprised she even knew to call them locks

That day like some others my blood got so thick it began to form clotts

I became so angry my stomach turned into a million knots

Getting so upset, I went to a place inside I had never been before

A place with blood cold like ice, kind of like the emotions i feel towards life

I have been told the blood in my veins runs deep

Deep like the hatred I feel for my father after he called me a WHORE!!!!

Taking me back to that place, only this time it wass all to familar to me

With needles sticking trying to break that ice, i knew i been there before, I had walked this floor

I have been told that the blood in my veins pumps strong

Strong like the strength it took to go perform every night

Pulling green from places my veins should never have to see nor feel

Strength to live another day forgetting about yesterday

Attempting to forget those blood stained walls

Some other people tell me that running through my veins is some thin blood

Thin like the water in the tears I cry

The tears that ran over the bruises and then into the cuts

Cuts I recieved because I was told I was a slut

Moving on no longer cuts but progressing into sores

Some say the blood in my vein is shallow

Shallow like the wanna be pre-madonnas

I was forced to associate with in order to prove my intellegence

Them triffling heffers who were the true sluts, but pretended to come accross eligant

Others tell me the blood in my veins pumps very weak

Weak and slow like my heartbeat after multiple close but UNSUCCESSFUL suicide attempts

Now I try to overdose, flowing lyrics throw my veins

This struggle for the feeling of exstacy is driving me insane

Keeps bringing back to these familar places

Blood from my sores over flowing in the room

Attempting to donate to save a life.

But turned away, I can't give life when mine is already taken

Nobody wants whats tainted

You heard my story, would you?????

I know you don't, and if you think you take this lyrical blood then you must be mistaken

 

 

 

 

I do not know if you guys remember this poem is is actually the very first post on my blog, which seems like so long ago. I remember when I first wrote this I had a couple people who were meant to be close to me read it, but I did not intially tell them I wrote it... and the response was insane.. they all said who ever wrote this is disturbed and has serious anger issues... and the only person who read it and assummed rite away I wrote it was Mike and my mother. But yet its like more and more I relive that poem, and fel that way everyday, and nobody get's it! I am angry all the time, and I end up snapping on people, and I guess I put on a good front, because a friend of mine told me she is never seen me down, or not bubbly! But the truth is I am not bubbly or happy... I mean I have happy moments that are surrounded by my sadness.

 

The other day I was talking to Mike about this, and he was asking me why and I really could not come up with a reason for why I am so messed up...and I started to cry, so naturually he asked why I was crying and I couldn't answer that either, it's like I am so unhappy/angry all the time that I get so angry that I become sad, and I just cry.... and I guess thats meant to make me feel better and it does for the moment until I start to think again. I never use to be like this I dont know what happened to me?!?!?! I am really hoping I will snap out of it, but some how I really dont think so, and I try to talk to people about and they really think its a joke, and nobody gets it! A lot of stuff has happened in the past, things that nobody knows about, and I dont know if that is the source of my anger. But I know that keeping all the secrets aren't helping me at all!!!

  

 

I've been holding my breath and

Im running out of air

Have you ever looked fear and the face and said I dont care?

Its not fair

I am reaching the piont of no return

I would never pull the triger but i have cried wolf a million times

I would never wish this feeling

I have lost my mind

And im bleeding out inside

You turned me out, and I cant turn back

I sometimes wish I could stop the flow of oxygen

And along with it stop all pain, fear, and hurt

The combination is sufficating

And Im running out of air