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Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts

Dear Parent: Watch Yo Mouth!


I was recently tagged in this photo on Facebook!
What benefit can you speaking negatively about your ex-partner in front of, better yet to the child do?

Fairytale Ending????

I am sure I could never imagine the suffering some foster kids endure, but there is always meant to be a light at the end of that tunnel.... adoption. But what happens when that adoption only leads to more suffering instead of that Annie fairytale ending. The other morning I woke up extremely early for a saturday, and decieded to watch the news for the first time in forever. There was a story dicussing the Florida Department of Children and Families and forster kids speaking out!
It is sad to say that some people adopt chldren for that check they will obtain every month ranging from $510-$570 monthly, instead looking out for the best interest of the children. It is like moving from one bad situation to the next... and as a child what do you do if you can not speak out for yourslef but expect a case worker to speak for you. This where I truely became appalled, when the director of DCF who's clip I show below basically says "it is what is" when it comes to children being abused after being adopted. While she attempted to expresss her piont in a more tactful manner it didnt really work out. While I may understand that the adoptive parents are not making this abuse blatant, but for her to basically shrug her shoulders of the situation of having more consistant check it absurd.
I was just enraged by the whole situation, while I have never been the situation I have friends and family members who have and I just taken back by her attitude to this tragic situation. I just though I would share with all of you....and see what you all think?




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The Perfect Stranger!!!

Imagine meeting the perfect stranger, and it being your father. Giacomo Knox last saw his father in 1975 and has not seen or spoken to him for 33 years. But in 2009 Giacomo was able to reconnect and spend "A Week With His Father," and film it for all of us to see.
I must say his reality series is a must see, it is so moving, and reaches so many levels.

For a really long time you all know, at least if you have been reading my blog, I have struggled with the relationship with my father and felt resentment towards him. I was not given or demand the opportunity Giacomo was, but like Giacomo through my faith I have found peace in the situation.
Gia,como's story was amazing becaus ehe found out a lot information that was told was not all together, and the best part was his father wanted to be in his life, where he was told the opposite. 
Going back to the post I wrote other day.

It took me a really long time to write this post because I just felt like no matter what I wrote I did not do it justice(still feel that way) because the webepisodes speak for themselves. And you all need to watch! It can be life changing if you let it!


Well I actually was able to connect with Mr. Knox, and was more than willing to do an interview with me, (I think that why it was so nerve racking). After you al watch his movement you should definitely read the interview to gain some more insight!
ENJOY!!!


How did your faith and relationship with the lord strengthen your
situation with your dad?

I like to think that anyone who has strong faith in YHVH is
invincible.  I've seen many miracles happen simply because someone
believed and acted on the belief.  The only real obstacle to
meeting my dad was getting the finances together so I could shoot
the pilot.  We got right down to the wire, the money showed up!
But even before then, while I had great faith in YHVH, I believe He
was calling me to do this show and reunite with my father, so I
could tell other young men and women that fatherhood is important.
And to show was real forgiveness looks like - it starts with family.



Do you feel that since you have spent that week with your father you found
peace with the relationship?

Absolutely! I wanted to know him, know why he and my mother
split up, what he's been doing since we split up, and what kind
of relationship I could expect from him now that we're adults.
As time allows, I hope to spend a lot more time with him!


What advice do you have for people that are going through similar
situations but do not have the opportunity to meet their father?

First off, the only valid reason for not having an opportunity to
meet your father is because he's no longer alive.  Most resistant
people I've spoken to are either afraid or harbor some sort of
resentment toward their fathers, and it's understandable.

When a relationship breaks up, sometimes the truth is obscured as
to why a father leaves the home.  The best advice I can give is to
find out the truth, or at least your father's version of the truth.
 Seek him out and have an open mind. Hear his side of the story and
see if you'd like to pursue a relationship with him.



How has your relationship with your mother and her side of the family
changed?

To be honest, I think she's still a little annoyed with me for doing
this show, and I can understand.  There are some old wounds that
have never  healed, and perhaps the show will help along the healing
process with her as well.  She's happy that I created a show of this
caliber and very supportive of my efforts, however.
As far as my mother's family, I've not spoken to most of them at
length about the project.  It has caused me to look at them a little
differently, but again this show is about forgiveness.  Whatever
happened way back when I was 5 is over, and I harbor no resentment
toward any of the players involved.  That includes my mother!



Has your bond with your father grown since filming?
I believe we've bonded since filming the show!  He lives in my home
state of New Jersey, so it's hard to speak with him on a consistent
basis.  Again as time and my schedule allow, I will fly out or have
him fly out so we can spend some more quality time together.



Do you plan on continuing filming, showing the growing relationship
between you and your father?
My partner Julie House and I have toyed with the idea of filming
"father and son follow ups" as a way of encouraging the viewers to
pursue relationships with their fathers.  Once the show gets picked
up a by  network or cable station, they will make the final
determination.  I don't see it as being anything but a way to
enhance the program and further inspire the audience.


If you continue do you think you would ever get both of your parents
together to discuss what happened in the past?
Now that's an idea!  In my situation there is so much animosity
between my father and mother, that it seems impossible.  But as I'm
fond of saying, "there is nothing impossible with YHVH!"  The show
being about forgiveness, a reunion episode with the parents as a
follow up might encourage struggling couples to stay together as
well.



How do you think this experience will impact you as a father if/when you
become one?From my upbringing, to the time I spent in the Marine Corps, to my
life since then and the show, I know that I will be an excellent
father.  One of the things necessary for a man to be a good father
is patience.  Even at 41 I'm learning more and more about patience,
and how it applies toward child-rearing.
It's quite clear that my father made some mistakes, otherwise there'd
be no show!  I know many of the things my mother told me, and many of
the things he admitted to doing, and I will use them and my personal
experiences in raising my kids.



At what point in time did you establish your relationship with god? Like
what led you to him?

Wow, this could be the longest response ever!  I grew up catholic and
was very religious.  Religion however hates being questioned, and
since that time I've learned to see religious traditions as a
construct of man.  I left catholicism and floundered for 3 years in
"the world" before YHVH (G-d) broke me down to my knees and gave me a
choice between Him and the world.
After sometime in the Foursquare movement, I found it incomplete and
lacking real spiritual foundation.  And yes, many man-made constructs.
My faith now reincorporates the Hebraic elements including Torah (The Law
of G-d or First 5 books of the Bible) that were removed from Christianity
by man-made tradition and Antisemitism.  I no longer celebrate Christmas,
Easter or other religious holidays not featured in Scripture, and I no
longer worship YHVH on Sunday, opting for Saturday Sabbath rest and
worship and communing with the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit).  Essentially
I call myself a Torah-Observant follower of Yahushua (Jesus), and opt to
use the Scripturally correct Set-Apart names:  YHVH, etc.
What led me to Him was the same thing that we are all searching for:  to
fill that "G-d shaped hole" in our heart.  Some try to do it with drugs,
alcohol, sex; some do it with gods that can't or won't help them, I did it
with the One who put on human flesh and died in my place.  What an awesome
love story!
I would encourage all Christians who believe we are under Grace and not
The Law to do their independent research as to what The Law actually says.
Most of us already obey G-d's Law - Yahushua died so we wouldn't have to
suffer the punishment for accidental disobedience.  The Law was never set
aside by Yahushua, in fact He confirmed it.  What we are no longer under
are the man-made traditions, which are impossible to keep (!) and make
null and void the Word of G-d.


Live And You Learn

Well first off I would like to say that I am sorry for offending or hurting anyone in my last post, I was just stating how I felt about a situation that happened to ME, and I felt in a way I got played and it hurt. I always remember my mom teaching me there are three sides to every story yours, mine and the truth. Since being in the hospital I have been plagued by a lot of what ifs? What if I hadn't opened up to that individual/ what if i hadn't snapped that day? What if I never wrote that last post? But that is all done now, and you live and you learn and I have defnitely learned a lot. But thankfully through this situation I have been able to sift through and determine the people who are important to me and I them.

I have a blessing in disguise. Two days ago my father became very ill and was rushed to the Emergency room in Miami. I got a call from my grandmother around 10:00pm that she didnt really know what was going on but that they were going to have to do emergency surgery. So my mother and I quickly packed a bag and got in the car on our way. When I got there they were just about to take him back into surgery and he was kind of out of it, but he woke up enough to see me, and needless to say he was shocked. Words can't describe how much love I felt for him at that moment, not to mention fear; especially since I asked the surgent what is going on, and his response was "I dont know."  My mind started racing, me like most people am afraid of hospitals and doctors, and needless to say his words where not comforting. That waiting room was the most exhausting feeling, I attempted to to study a quiz the following morning with no sucess. After trying to take little naps, and drink hot chocalte and pacing up and down the halls the doctor finally entered the room to tell us he was in recovery. My grandmother and I rushed to the recovery room to see him, and although he was still out of it a little, he looked shocked all over again to see me, but his tuime with a glimpse of excitement. He keep holding my hand, I just became so overwhelmed that the water works started. The worst part is now over, but no one knows how scared I was, evenafter the doctor came in the waiting room and said its done and everything is going to be okay. After he left recovery and went him to his ward/room he still looked shock to see me there, and we got to talk for a little bit. When we were getting ready to leave the hospital he looked up at me reached his arm out for a hug and said "I love you," it took everything in me not to start again. While I would have like to have met on better circumstances I really think this is a stepping stone to a better relationship, and i have spoken to him everyday since the surgery.

The same day all this happened I had my first counseling session, and it went very well, it was more me talking and letting her know about me,but we are now going to meet every tuesday. Also I found my older sister on facebook, that may not sound like a big deal but I have not seen or spoken to her in years and I must say I missed her and my nephew.... so now we have exchanged numbers and we are going to try and communicate more...
Now there is not where to go but UP!

It was a very MERRY Christmas!!!

Well as you all know Christmas just passed, and as i previously mentioned I went to visit my father's! Now before we jump to conclusions it actually went extremely well. The word nervous no where near describes how I felt on the drive to the his house....my mom said she was going to drop me off, and along the way I had to stop and pick up a card for him. Selecting cards for my father is always the hardest thing to, because lets be honest they say everything he is not! At this moment in time I was a little happy about this because it postponed our meeting! Finally I found one that said all that a father should be...and following all the passionate words it read "like a father should be...." never stating that he was or is...so it was PERFECT! Now back on the road to his home, near approaching his house I talked my mom into at least walking up to the door ro say "hello" and "merry christmas!"


As I reached the front step, my heart was racing, and had flashbacks of our fights and some of hurtful things he said the last time we spoke and I was in that house. He opened the door and invited my mother and I in. With my hand shaking profusely I handed him his carefully chosen Christmas card. I quickly placed my things down on the coach and my mom sat down as I ran to the ladies room... when I returned my fatheer was gone... a few seconds later he returned and handed me an orange box, and mumbled "i never did get a chance fi rap it..." I began to read the long passage on the front... but to be honest I skimmed and was thinking what the heck is in this box???? I opened the box and there was a Struhrling watch inside; with a million pieces of paper the read "warranty", "manual" and many more. I quickly put it on! My father turned to me and asked "you like it.." me with a grin on my face nodded yes; he continued "I have the same one, but mine a likkle bigger fi de males dem" as he held up his rist to show me! Now of cousre I felt a little bad, my mom kept nagging for me to buy him a gift, and I said no; all i bought him was a card and he gave me a $200 almost $300 watch!

Later I spoke to hubby and he jokingly said "gonna have to shut Unstable Cradle down!" Now let me make this clear like I have said in the past other all the things I post on this website about my father are all true but no matter what I still and always will LOVE him!! Granted he was in a really good mood when I visted, good enough for my mother and I to stay for over an hour...my dad from what you all have previously read is not always like that. After mothe and Isaid god bye and recieved very loving huggs from him we proceeded to the car; and as we pulled away we discussed how we ould tell my father is lonely and that fairly sixed house all by himself! My mother said to me "you know that website is going to break his heart!" then she thought for a second and proceeded to say "although letting him know what he did to you may be good for him!" I though about what she said... and it will truely break him, but at the same time like she said he needs to know how he broke me! I thought about maybe withdrawing from Unstable Cradle for a minute, but this theraputic to me...and a majority of my life is spent trying to please and satisfy other people; its time i do something for me! And regardless of how my father acted this visit...he changes completely from one moment to the next!