Reunited!!

About two months ago I wrote a post about my sisters, particularly my older sister and how I had not seen her since before I started high school. I was detremined to reconnect with her no matter the cost, but it seemed like my father on the other hand ruined all of those plans.

I took a trip to DC for over a month, placing me one step closer to my sister, who lives not to far a way in Jersey and the plan was for one of us to make that trip so that we could spend some long awaited time together. My father decieded to step into those plans when I first arrived and promised to bring Shante down to DC. Then two days before I was returning to Florida he wanted me to come to Jersey instead and then leave from Jersey back to Florida despite my ticket already being booked. Needless to say we did not get to see each other because of my fathers planning or lack there of.

Lucky for me my sister was planning a trip with some of her friends to South Beach, Miami. This time nothing was going to come in the way of me spending time with her, even though some things came up I made it! I am not going to lie I was a little, well a lot nervous at first, just becasue I get nervous about everything and plus the last time I saw her I was a child! We met at Wet Willies, and I defintiely needed that drink to calm my nerves, but I was delightfuly suprised we had a great time. We had a couple drinks, layed out by the pool and had our own mini photo shoot! :)

Her friends were saying how much we look and act like eachother... it was funny! Even though we live I don't know how many miles away and for years had no contact we still shared that bond. Is much as my father drives me and her crazy, my sissy is one of four things he did rite... adding blessing to my life and family. Words cannot express how happy I am we got to meet and that everything went so well. Family is one of the most important things in my life, creating a bond with my older sister is at the top of my list; and this South Beach trip was a great start. I can't wait to move up north so I can start seeing her regularly! :)

I love you sissy!!!

Help change the epidemic Subscribe & Share

Mandate

We are more or less at the end of the first month of the new year, and I know like most, a lot of you have made some resolutions. Things that we decide we want to change or dedicate ourselves too, unfortunately very few us actually live up to those resolutions past Janruary. I know because I am guilty of the same thing. Why is it that we need a new beginning to change and decide to make moves to better ourselves. People see critcism as a negative thing, as though other people telling you, you CAN do better is the be all end all!

Instead of interalizing that constructive criticism, why not use it constructivaly to progress. We all have our talents and we should be using them to impact lives, change minds, and for own internal happiness; but instead many of us are using our blessings to become famous or wealthy. Those things are good and of course beneficial ,but if they do not come should we give up? I have been taught that failure is not an option, but what is the true definition of failure? Trying something and it not going my way or turning out the way I expected? Is that a failure, or a lesson learned?

I do not have the answers I am searching for them myself, but I know I am not the best alyrical I can be, so should I give up hope?

Lets face it the majority of us, myself included, are hard headed and have the egotistical spirit that we know it at all, whether we do or not. Why can we not accept that we can be better individuals, and strive for that better part of ourselves. I heard this poem on Brave New Voices and it really hit home. I constantly strive to be the best, not that anything is wrong with that, but when I realize I am not I become discouraged and defeated. Instead I should be using that moment as a push of encouragement. So this year and every year after I want to take that chance and make failure my motivation! 




                                                                                      -alyrical

"The Truth Without Photoshop"

TOO LATE????

it is never too late!!! I got this clip from @absentdad , the man i have written about in previous posts, who fears that this is what will happen between him and his daughter, and it is not for lack of trying.In my opinion it is never too late to mend a relationship, especially one between father and child. Although that the longer the gap the harder that is going to be! Sometimes people do not even realize that there isnt a real bond or relationship there, you can see someone everyday and have a quick discussion but that does not mean have a real relationship and that in it self can be defined as absentee! And as the little comic strip shows materialistic things do not help at all.... I just think if you truely care then no matter what you are going to attmpt to have some sort of relationship, nobody said it would be easy that you will become the best of friends, but why not try!

It was a very MERRY Christmas!!!

Well as you all know Christmas just passed, and as i previously mentioned I went to visit my father's! Now before we jump to conclusions it actually went extremely well. The word nervous no where near describes how I felt on the drive to the his house....my mom said she was going to drop me off, and along the way I had to stop and pick up a card for him. Selecting cards for my father is always the hardest thing to, because lets be honest they say everything he is not! At this moment in time I was a little happy about this because it postponed our meeting! Finally I found one that said all that a father should be...and following all the passionate words it read "like a father should be...." never stating that he was or is...so it was PERFECT! Now back on the road to his home, near approaching his house I talked my mom into at least walking up to the door ro say "hello" and "merry christmas!"

As I reached the front step, my heart was racing, and had flashbacks of our fights and some of hurtful things he said the last time we spoke and I was in that house. He opened the door and invited my mother and I in. With my hand shaking profusely I handed him his carefully chosen Christmas card. I quickly placed my things down on the coach and my mom sat down as I ran to the ladies room... when I returned my fatheer was gone... a few seconds later he returned and handed me an orange box, and mumbled "i never did get a chance fi rap it..." I began to read the long passage on the front... but to be honest I skimmed and was thinking what the heck is in this box???? I opened the box and there was a Struhrling watch inside; with a million pieces of paper the read "warranty", "manual" and many more. I quickly put it on! My father turned to me and asked "you like it.." me with a grin on my face nodded yes; he continued "I have the same one, but mine a likkle bigger fi de males dem" as he held up his rist to show me! Now of cousre I felt a little bad, my mom kept nagging for me to buy him a gift, and I said no; all i bought him was a card and he gave me a $200 almost $300 watch!

Later I spoke to hubby and he jokingly said "gonna have to shut Unstable Cradle down!" Now let me make this clear like I have said in the past other all the things I post on this website about my father are all true but no matter what I still and always will LOVE him!! Granted he was in a really good mood when I visted, good enough for my mother and I to stay for over an hour...my dad from what you all have previously read is not always like that. After mothe and Isaid god bye and recieved very loving huggs from him we proceeded to the car; and as we pulled away we discussed how we ould tell my father is lonely and that fairly sixed house all by himself! My mother said to me "you know that website is going to break his heart!" then she thought for a second and proceeded to say "although letting him know what he did to you may be good for him!" I though about what she said... and it will truely break him, but at the same time like she said he needs to know how he broke me! I thought about maybe withdrawing from Unstable Cradle for a minute, but this theraputic to me...and a majority of my life is spent trying to please and satisfy other people; its time i do something for me! And regardless of how my father acted this visit...he changes completely from one moment to the next!