Be Blessed!!!

Recently a lot of truely amazing things have been happening in my life, I am currently work for a non-profit organization that has given me the oppurtunity to obtain my dream of being an artist while working with kids at the same time; while still keeping the same focuses of Unstable Cradle! I am finally getting back to my art(www.wix.com/stephaniegowdy/alyrical), which who ever truely knows me, understands that is my real love... and not only have I returned to my love I am actually making money for it(NOT THAT IT IS ABOUT THAT!). I am about to start my final year of school, graduating in May with my Bachelors in Business. With all this positivity fluding my life, negativity has been intruding my thoughts and my spirit constantly.

I have been truely battling this emotionally for sometime, while continuing to put on my normal brave face. The past 8 months I have learned a lot about who I am, and my actions. Everybody has the yerning to be accepted actually my pal wrote about that very thing this morning(www.yourbloodismyblood.com). I defnitely will not deny my yerning for the same thing, but this has become my complete downfall. I am a people pleaser... meaning I do anything within my abilities to accomadate others without ever taking into consideration my own needs. I can count on one hand how often how this worked out for me, but I would need a hundred hands to count how many times it has caught me in sticky situations. No dont get it twisted I am not nagging or complaining abiout things I do for other becasue I like helping poeple... but I have a problem sometimes, where the answer should be "NO" or "NOT RITE NOW," or one of the other million and one excuses I get from the same people when I turn around and ask them for help... but I never do. I expect to be treated with the same respect I give you, my time is just as valuable as yours. I did not even realize how much this was happening until a friend pointed it out to me, and then continued to acknowlegde it everytime it reoccured. The sitauation has made me very weary and cautious of people, I always use to look for the good in people, but now I am just untrusting wether I have known you for years or not. I am starting to feel like paranoia is setting in. Anyway I am working on it.. but I know it will be a never ending battle becasue I am a giver, always have been.. I mean it is truely a blessing to be able to give rather than recieve?

- @MsChay84

Speaking of blessings, as I said previously a lot of really great things are happening to me.. but I just feel some kind of way about it all. For once my life is coming together and emotionally I feel like I am falling apart all over again. I know a large portion of it is me not being in the word like I know I should be. For a period of time I was really progressing and walking forward in regards to my relationship with the Lord, but recently I feel like I am at a stand still. I will tell you the reason I first started going to church, I had a friend who I had known for years and we lost contact, then one day her and her now husband walked into my store (bath & body works) and we started talking and catching up. I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. Then I started to see her more frequently in the store when ever I worked and sometimes she was just coming from church, well they always seem to be filled with so much joy. I was longing to feel that same joy I felt they had. This was also rite after I had gotten out the hospital and my father and I were still not on speaking terms. So I reached out to her, and basically invited myself to church with her. From day one as I have told you in previous post I loved it! I felt so welcome, and I was building a relationship with God, started serving in different ministries within the church, I even went out and bought myself a new Bible! I was feeling good again and things were looking up. But now that I have reached this abrupt hault I find myself looking down. I found myself beginning to pull away from everybody and church as a whole... while I never delibrately missed a service or two, I did not make the proper efforts. I am now trying to get back, and I know it is just the devil trying to stop me from recieving my blessing; but the devil is a LIAR!!!!  Another thing that caused me to stray, is whenever I do get closer to God and continue to build our relationship, I have these reoccuring dreams or shall I say nightmares, I dont even want to go into the dreams because they are so haunting and I refuse to even give the devil that kind of victory! 

I was actually talking to a good friend(@jojoleneee) of mine about this, who is also struggling with some of the same things. We have made a pact to come up with a Devotional plan, and we will basically checkin with eachother to make sure we are staying on track and weekly we will have bible studies together, so we can really dive into the word. I love my pal, and love have a christian friend to confide in... I truely wish I had more(not to say she is the only one!).

I am truely hoping this will help get me back on track and replenish my motivation. 

NO MATTER HOW HARD the devil TRIES I WILL BE BLESSED!!!!  

Fairytale Ending????

I am sure I could never imagine the suffering some foster kids endure, but there is always meant to be a light at the end of that tunnel.... adoption. But what happens when that adoption only leads to more suffering instead of that Annie fairytale ending. The other morning I woke up extremely early for a saturday, and decieded to watch the news for the first time in forever. There was a story dicussing the Florida Department of Children and Families and forster kids speaking out!
It is sad to say that some people adopt chldren for that check they will obtain every month ranging from $510-$570 monthly, instead looking out for the best interest of the children. It is like moving from one bad situation to the next... and as a child what do you do if you can not speak out for yourslef but expect a case worker to speak for you. This where I truely became appalled, when the director of DCF who's clip I show below basically says "it is what is" when it comes to children being abused after being adopted. While she attempted to expresss her piont in a more tactful manner it didnt really work out. While I may understand that the adoptive parents are not making this abuse blatant, but for her to basically shrug her shoulders of the situation of having more consistant check it absurd.
I was just enraged by the whole situation, while I have never been the situation I have friends and family members who have and I just taken back by her attitude to this tragic situation. I just though I would share with all of you....and see what you all think?

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The Perfect Stranger!!!

Imagine meeting the perfect stranger, and it being your father. Giacomo Knox last saw his father in 1975 and has not seen or spoken to him for 33 years. But in 2009 Giacomo was able to reconnect and spend "A Week With His Father," and film it for all of us to see.

I must say his reality series is a must see, it is so moving, and reaches so many levels.

For a really long time you all know, at least if you have been reading my blog, I have struggled with the relationship with my father and felt resentment towards him. I was not given or demand the opportunity Giacomo was, but like Giacomo through my faith I have found peace in the situation.

Gia,como's story was amazing becaus ehe found out a lot information that was told was not all together, and the best part was his father wanted to be in his life, where he was told the opposite. 
Going back to the post I wrote other day.

It took me a really long time to write this post because I just felt like no matter what I wrote I did not do it justice(still feel that way) because the webepisodes speak for themselves. And you all need to watch! It can be life changing if you let it!

Trailer: http://youtu.be/uQ6kTJrbrdY
http://www.aweekwithmyfather.com/

Well I actually was able to connect with Mr. Knox, and was more than willing to do an interview with me, (I think that why it was so nerve racking). After you al watch his movement you should definitely read the interview to gain some more insight!

ENJOY!!!

How did your faith and relationship with the lord strengthen your
situation with your dad?
I like to think that anyone who has strong faith in YHVH is

invincible.  I've seen many miracles happen simply because someone
believed and acted on the belief.  The only real obstacle to
meeting my dad was getting the finances together so I could shoot
the pilot.  We got right down to the wire, the money showed up!
But even before then, while I had great faith in YHVH, I believe He
was calling me to do this show and reunite with my father, so I
could tell other young men and women that fatherhood is important.
And to show was real forgiveness looks like - it starts with family.

Do you feel that since you have spent that week with your father you found
peace with the relationship?
Absolutely! I wanted to know him, know why he and my mother

split up, what he's been doing since we split up, and what kind
of relationship I could expect from him now that we're adults.
As time allows, I hope to spend a lot more time with him!

What advice do you have for people that are going through similar
situations but do not have the opportunity to meet their father?
First off, the only valid reason for not having an opportunity to

meet your father is because he's no longer alive.  Most resistant
people I've spoken to are either afraid or harbor some sort of
resentment toward their fathers, and it's understandable.

When a relationship breaks up, sometimes the truth is obscured as
to why a father leaves the home.  The best advice I can give is to
find out the truth, or at least your father's version of the truth.
 Seek him out and have an open mind. Hear his side of the story and
see if you'd like to pursue a relationship with him.

How has your relationship with your mother and her side of the family
changed?
To be honest, I think she's still a little annoyed with me for doing

this show, and I can understand.  There are some old wounds that
have never  healed, and perhaps the show will help along the healing
process with her as well.  She's happy that I created a show of this
caliber and very supportive of my efforts, however.
As far as my mother's family, I've not spoken to most of them at
length about the project.  It has caused me to look at them a little
differently, but again this show is about forgiveness.  Whatever
happened way back when I was 5 is over, and I harbor no resentment
toward any of the players involved.  That includes my mother!

Has your bond with your father grown since filming?
I believe we've bonded since filming the show!  He lives in my home

state of New Jersey, so it's hard to speak with him on a consistent
basis.  Again as time and my schedule allow, I will fly out or have
him fly out so we can spend some more quality time together.

Do you plan on continuing filming, showing the growing relationship
between you and your father?My partner Julie House and I have toyed with the idea of filming

"father and son follow ups" as a way of encouraging the viewers to
pursue relationships with their fathers.  Once the show gets picked
up a by  network or cable station, they will make the final
determination.  I don't see it as being anything but a way to
enhance the program and further inspire the audience.

If you continue do you think you would ever get both of your parents
together to discuss what happened in the past?Now that's an idea!  In my situation there is so much animosity

between my father and mother, that it seems impossible.  But as I'm
fond of saying, "there is nothing impossible with YHVH!"  The show
being about forgiveness, a reunion episode with the parents as a
follow up might encourage struggling couples to stay together as
well.

How do you think this experience will impact you as a father if/when you

become one?From my upbringing, to the time I spent in the Marine Corps, to my

life since then and the show, I know that I will be an excellent
father.  One of the things necessary for a man to be a good father
is patience.  Even at 41 I'm learning more and more about patience,
and how it applies toward child-rearing.
It's quite clear that my father made some mistakes, otherwise there'd
be no show!  I know many of the things my mother told me, and many of
the things he admitted to doing, and I will use them and my personal
experiences in raising my kids.

At what point in time did you establish your relationship with god? Like
what led you to him?
Wow, this could be the longest response ever!  I grew up catholic and

was very religious.  Religion however hates being questioned, and
since that time I've learned to see religious traditions as a
construct of man.  I left catholicism and floundered for 3 years in
"the world" before YHVH (G-d) broke me down to my knees and gave me a
choice between Him and the world.
After sometime in the Foursquare movement, I found it incomplete and
lacking real spiritual foundation.  And yes, many man-made constructs.
My faith now reincorporates the Hebraic elements including Torah (The Law
of G-d or First 5 books of the Bible) that were removed from Christianity
by man-made tradition and Antisemitism.  I no longer celebrate Christmas,
Easter or other religious holidays not featured in Scripture, and I no
longer worship YHVH on Sunday, opting for Saturday Sabbath rest and
worship and communing with the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit).  Essentially
I call myself a Torah-Observant follower of Yahushua (Jesus), and opt to
use the Scripturally correct Set-Apart names:  YHVH, etc.
What led me to Him was the same thing that we are all searching for:  to
fill that "G-d shaped hole" in our heart.  Some try to do it with drugs,
alcohol, sex; some do it with gods that can't or won't help them, I did it
with the One who put on human flesh and died in my place.  What an awesome
love story!
I would encourage all Christians who believe we are under Grace and not
The Law to do their independent research as to what The Law actually says.
Most of us already obey G-d's Law - Yahushua died so we wouldn't have to
suffer the punishment for accidental disobedience.  The Law was never set
aside by Yahushua, in fact He confirmed it.  What we are no longer under
are the man-made traditions, which are impossible to keep (!) and make
null and void the Word of G-d.

"The Truth Without Photoshop"