Influences

Moving along with what my mom said.. I had to take some time to think about who I really wanted to include in this post.. and while there has been multiple people and males who have had some sort of influence on me... I had to think about the ones who truely knew or know me, and my life!

First I have to start my best friend in the whole world and cousin PETER! Peter is more like a big brother to me, he does not live near me, but when I need him he definitely there in spirit! Growing up when I visited him for the summer I know we got on eachothers nerves, but now that I am older, I sure we still get on eachothers nerves!lol! Peter is always there to guide me, and tell me when I am heading down the wrong path in his loving manner. No matter what is going on in his world or mine, he can always put a smile on my face with his goofiness..:) I have been through some crazy things and gone to do something stupid things, but Peter is always there to talk to and bail me out!

I LOVE YOU FABIEN!!!

Next up is my dads brother/my uncle Que! Definitely is one of my favorite uncles on my Dads side, he is so easy to talk to, and always pushes me to do the rite things. Nobody is perfect and he like many of us has made mistakes, but he teaches me through them to make sure I do not make the same ones. I remember when I graduated, my dad said he could not come, and he never even called, despite my uncle's circumstance he sent a card with a letter...and he has never once forgotten my birthday! He is one of the few in the family that actually listens to both sides of the struggle between myself and my father.. and give guidance based upon that instead of basing it solely on the garbage my father has said! He is another individual that does not live close to me, but he is always there in spirit!

I LOVE YOU UNCLE QUE!!!!

Then we have good ole' Strick or Najee as most people know him. I met Strick in art class my senior year, and his work was always so amazing, so we use to sit next to each other in class. We quickly became friends, laughing and giggling over stupid stories, Family Guy, and my crazy friends back home. Strick was always there to keep me smiling. Strick like me does not have the best relationship with his father, and we never use to talk on that level until recently.. but I consider Strick like a brotha from another motha...lol!!! We always have a good time when we are together, but when it comes down to it, we can talk about pretty much anything, and we always got each others back! Lately Strick has been going through a lot, and I want him to know I am here for him, like he has always been for me!!

LOVE YA STRICK!!!!

Lastly we have James, I have known him the shortest amount of time, but I must say he has a very good judge of character and he knows me pretty well, I might even say a little better than the ones before him! During the short year and a half I have known him, he has offered a lot of guidance, and helped me make some monumental decisions, and helped me get rid of the trash in my life. James and I may not always see eye to eye, and he is never hesitant to express his own opinion about what he wants me to do. For a while James and I fell off becasue of some stupid mistakes I made, and I really regret, but we have recently began talking a little bit now.. and I will forever be grateful for what he has done for me, wether he realizes it or not!

THANK YOU JAMES!

(and i got to thank Zipporah for introducing us!)

My Back Bone!!!

This weekend my mom finally got to read my blog, we went to Starbucks together and read together, while she said I need to edit something she expressed how proud of me she was, and is! While on the way home form Starbucks she sad that I should attempt to place some positive things on my blog, besides the post I have about Mike. She said I should think about some positive male role models. While I do some positive male role models for a long time my mom has been my mother, father and everything else in between, so this one is all about my MOMMY!!! My mom is such an amazing woman and everyone who has the pleasure of knowing her, knows that! Despite my dad's lack of effort to be a father to me, my mother quickly assummed the role of both mother and father for me. She did what ever she needed to when i was growing up, taking night jobs to make sure she was there for me during the day, attending all my events, what ever it was SHE WAS THERE!!!  Just some examples of my mom doing what ever she can, I use to play travel volleyball, and we had an away game, and my mom said she couldn't go, so she sent to ride with a teammate. The morning of the tournament, as we were about to begin our second game in hops my mom(hops, because she had just had surgery the week before). My senior year of high school I moved away, and it was Thanksgiving and I was definitely home sick, well my mom told me there was no way she would be able to visit me, or have me come home....Rite before we sat down to eat dinner, my mom walked in.... I cried so hard!!

Although my mom and I have not always seen eye to eye, I always know she has my best interest at heart! My mom has been through a whole lot, and its by the grace of God that I have here with me day in and day out!! I understand it is what she has been through that makes her tha amazing individual she is and why she tells me the things she does(even though she says them a million times LOL)so I do not have go through what she did!!

As much as I have to thank my dad for making me the person I am, I have to thank my mom a million times more for helping to form that person, making me a better individual  and making me grow up as a WOMAN!!

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!!!

FAMILY!!!

As you all know Thankgiving just passed, and while I am thankful for so many things I have been blessed with...holidays are always a bit sad for me!!! Anybody who knows me knows that I love family.. and love to pull them together and love it when we are together!

This year my mother and I stayed home and had dinner together, very last minute (went shopping the morning of, and began to cook). It has always been difficult to spend holidays with ALL(meaning my mom and dads side) of my family because the majority of my mom's family is in England; while the majority of my dad's family lives less than two hours away.

                                                                                  

Now that my parents have split it is even harder, I NEVER want to leave my mom alone on any holiday...but I still want to see my other family sometimes. Granted my mom and I  are always invited to dad's family functions, because they all love my mom dearly it is not alwasy the most comfortable situation for her or my father if the both attend!

This Thanksgiving, my uncle offered to pick my up and take me to my Grandmothers with him, but that  would mean leaving my mom alone, and he said he was going to my Dad's house after and staying the night there.....NO, NO, NO!!!!

I already knew it would't go over well, especially since I called my dad twice on Thanksgiving and left voicemails, and I still have not heard from him!!!

 I love my dad dearly and wish that I could have gone down there to visit with family, but is way to emotional and too stressful, not to mention awkward!!!

Christmas is now coming up, and I heard my mother talking saying she is thinking of going to my grandmothers for the holiday, which means my father will be there...We Will See How That Goes????

www.fatherhood.gov

I know many of us may have seen these commercials....





As funny as the commercial maybe, it such an important message "Be a Dad TODAY!!" Now granted we know every father just becasue of their character are not going to start doing cheers with their child, but time with a child is so important like the commercial says the little we do can have the greatest impact...and the same goes for not being there or doing nothing at all!





Ok so not every father can double-dutch, but in my opininion it really does not matter what you are doing, it is really about them being their period; and the IMPACTthat has!!!!


This morning I went to the website(www.fatherhood.gov) that this PSA is for....


"The National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse (NRFC) is funded by the Administration for Children and Families' Office of Family Assistance's (OFA) and supports efforts to assist States and communities to promote and support Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Marriage.


Primarily a tool for professionals operating Responsible Fatherhood programs, the NRFC provides access to print and electronic publications, timely information on fatherhood issues, and targeted resources that support OFA-funded Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Marriage grantees. The NRFC Web site also provides essential information for other audiences interested in fatherhood issues."


After reading that of course I wanted to read more..and I began to navigate their website there is so much information on their website....


"Urban Institute:
Recent policies encourage the development of programs designed to improve the economic status of low-income nonresident fathers and the financial and emotional support provided to their children. This brief provides ten key lessons from several important early responsible fatherhood initiatives that were developed and implemented during the 1990s and early 2000s. Formal evaluations of these earlier fatherhood efforts have been completed making this an opportune time to step back and assess what has been learned and how to build on the early programs' successes and challenges.


While the following statistics are formidable, the Responsible Fatherhood research literature generally supports the claim that a loving and nurturing father improves outcomes for children, families and communities. The following are findings from the National Fatherhood Initiative's (NFI) Father Facts:


•Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.


•Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.


•24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.


•Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.


•43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.


•Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.


•Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely to live in a father-absent home.


•About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father's home.


•Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.


•From 1995 to 2000, the proportion of children living in single-parent homes slightly declined, while the proportion of children living with two married parents remained stable."
 
The information goes on and on... You should definitely check it out!!!!

CONTRIDICTION!!!!

Recently I wrote a post about the lady who called me dysfunctional, well this morning we spoke again on Facebook AIM and this is the converstion....blew my mind!!!!! I was so upset I cried half the conversation, because, I could not understand how someone could be so ignorant to anothers feelings, particularly when they claim they do not wan tknow. This conversation frustrayed me to no end especially becasue out of respect I could not say everything that came to mind!!!

ME

My Thoughts

HER

You always fighting with someone doesn't that say something he common denominator is YOU!!

i am not.. but i got to stand up for me,

maybe you need to re-evaluate somethings about yourself

and as far as your blog, my issue with that is this if it helps you to heal then fine but don't put your dad or whoever on blast you have to be respectful and does your dad know about it because he may not want his business out there

i just talk about things that happen to me...and he is apart of that i cant help it...those people don’t know who my dad is

yeah, but that doesn't matter there are people that do he may not appreciate it (funny for her to say that, becasue she is always saying i need  forget what others think, and live my life for me)

no he doesn’t know..i wish he did though.. so he would kno how i feltI dont appreciate all the shit he talks about me and my mom ..but idont say nothing

well that is the other point, you have to the bigger person and more mature about the way you handle things…just because someone does something to you doesn't mean you do it back to them that is elementary tit for tat behavior

ok.. i understand that(but i am not going back at my dad)..but that is partly what blogging is all about talking about what goes on..it would kind of difficult for my follower to understand if they had no back story... all of what i wrote is from me.. so it doesnt matter….just like ppl who write books..and they talk about what has happened in there life..

it is not the same people who write books about their lives unless the person is dead they have to get permission otherwise they get sued… that is what you don't understand. it may be from you but it includes other people and it is personal stuff
Be respectful!

I am.. all i do is express my feelings

Find a solution and not be part of the problem
but like i said every decision you make can't be based on feelings

im not, how am i apart of the problem

if you base your life on feelings girl you are setting yourself up for failure. in your blog my suggestion is this yes speak about how you felt

i dont..but i really dont see what is wrong with expressing them on a blog where that is what it is about

but also speak about how you overcame, find a solution to the problem
don't just complain express how you feel and be the problem there is more to life than just feelings

I am speaking out about what happened to ME.. have u read my blog...i have put a solution up there..

but be a solution in your own life

my blog is about helping other ppl including me get through it and find an end there solution

if you don't wish to speak to your dad then fine, but don't complain about the person he is

i dont complain about the person he is.. i complain about what he has done to me, my blog even says how i love him and wish we could have a normal relationship

what is normal to you, may not be normal to him you need to recognize that
And you need to mature in that respect

but he makes it normal with other children, but why not me because of my mom

and appreciate people for who they are and what they are

i do appreciate him, he helped mold me into the person I am

you don't know nothing about his other relationships

let me ask u this have u read everything on there

don't assume, i have read a few, not everything don't have time to read everything but like i said before

ok read ALL then maybe u will understand.. and yes i do know about his other relationships with his children...

if it helps you heal then good you can't sit here and tell me you know everything and relationships takes two you don't know everything you only see one perception of it

i know they do... but why are u talking like u do.. i have talked to my dad about and my sisters.. so i do more or less everything

the same way i don't know everything with you, you don't know everything with them, how could you know steph are you there 24 hours
and like i said, relationships takes two…….

believe what you want to believe steph, because you are not open ro listen and you just listen to what you want to listen to

i am but ur piont make no sense and ur not willing to kisten to what i am saying either

i know my point doesn't make sense, because you are not at that level yet you will figure out or maybe you won't

STOP saying that u dont know what level i am on

just be respectful to yourself and others…..yes i do, try to heal and try not to wear your feelings on your sleeve

no u dont to be honest u dont even kno me

the world doesn't revolve around your feelings, i may not know you

i am respectful always (if when I dont want to be)

but i now the kind of person you are or at least what you have shown me and what you have written on your blogs…..you are not that hard to figure out! remember i am older than you, and although i may not have experienced everything you have experienced trust me i have experienced a lot

i understand but age aint nothing but a number

your mentality is right where your number is trust me, you are 19. You don't know what i have experienced either

ok and im not commenting on ur life, or how mature u are

and i know people a lot more than you do, you don't even know yourself yet your still learning and that you should be doing but don't assume that is one piece of advice i will tell you don't assume nothing, about anyone, or anything

i dont...but u r

cuz at the end of the day you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Nope i am not assuming nothing trust me (neither do YOU!!!!)

neither do you but u are talking to me like u do

i don't want to know steph that is what you don't understand, i don't know everything and i don't want to know (then why are you even talking to me)

then y keep bring in it up

all I am saying is you don't know everything you are only going by how you feel, you have said it

i know that.. i am telling my story from my point of view, but i only tell stories that have happened that i was there for

and you need to be careful that feelings especially

i have not posted anything that ppl have told me on there, everything on there i witnessed

and is from your perspective all i am saying is this, be aware don't wear your feelings on your sleeve and be respectful always, and maybe once try to look at it from another persons point of view you have told me time and time again that you are emotional, so you lied!

What ever.I have looked at from different pionts of view..u would know that if u actually read my blog...until u read it in it, ALL of it u really shouldnt say a thing

Well, one more thing to consider. your stability comes from you, and not your parents i don't want to read all of it i didn't say anything personal about your blog…all of this is directed towards you not your blog another thing about listening, i didn't bring up your blog you did

that is wat this whole convo is based upon.. i know that...which is why i dont really on them..i do me, no u did scroll up and read...u bought it up..i was talking bout grandma

i said be mindful about what you say about your dad in it yes but not about the blog itself, i don't care about he blog!!!

they r two in the same

not necessarily, i brought that up to speak about you, and the way you are maneuvering through life with your relationships

so u admit u bought it up

ok sure ,if that is me admitting it but more or less i brought up your dad, just be carefule sweety and try not to argue

what i wanna kno, is wat do u have to do with my dad why do u keep bringin it up..cuz u dont give a damn

i don't have anything to do with your dad you brough him up

u seem to have alot to say about something u know nothing about!!!!

i don't have anything to say about your dad or your relationship with your dad

no i dont i try not to have important convos with that have anything to do with my world and how i feel cuz all u do is s*** on my feelings

everyone has feelings you just take yours to another level, and that is my point

no i dont.. i not u i am not gonna lock them away and act like they dont exist

you can be upset at our dad at grandma at the whole world you don't know me to say that either, everyones feelings exist

i not mad an grandma i love her.. i just dont feel like hearing her nag all the time

but it s how you handle them….that is all i am saying steph learn to handle them a little better because like i said before

and how do u handle them...cuz its obvious u think ur way is the only rite way

the world doesn't revolve around your feelings and i didn't know i was making anyrhing obvious about how i handle my feelings, i never said anything about my feelings i said learn to handle yours! because the world doesn't revolve around your feelings, just be careful with that but you don't have to listen to anything i am saying girl you are grown remember you are mature for your age

i am not making the world revolve around them

you know everything, so like you say do you, in your opinion just do you steph

u obviously think my way is wrong so ur way must be the rite way correct

i didn't say your way is wrong, stop assuming, i said that from the begin if you want to know something then ask…don't assume, everything can be improved
i never said anything is wrong why does it have to be right or wrong this isn't about being right or wrong and i never said i was right and you are wrong

sometimes i wish u could improve the way you talk to me..so its sounds like you actually give a damn about me and who i am

that is my point, you want people to show you they give a damn about you the way you want them to

but u dont have to s**** on me either

and not take the time to learn the person and see this is who they are and the way they give a damn may be shown differently no on is shitting on you

yeah i have noticed

you are so into yourself sometimes steph and that is my point get out of yourself and your feelings sometimes and learn people not everyone is going to show you love the way you want them to

i just love myself too much.. i care about myself too much

that doesn't mean they don't love you, no. you have to find a balance, eveyrthing takes a balance maybe if you thought for once..that what iam saying to you now is because i care about you……but no steph don't get that, because ithas to be steph way get out of that! and cont’ to write…i never said stop writing…. writing is good but keep learning and improve on your way

yeah writing is good aslong as no one else can see it

that is why if you don't know something or understand, ask questions, communicate......but don't be ahead of yourself

a little later……….

are you still there

yes

no sweety i didn't say that

say what

that no one else should read it also and i am going to be really frank, don't put no comment on facebook like you have a problem with me but you don't come to me first i don't operate that way if you wish to speak to me about something that i said that bothered you pick up the phone, but you have no control of what i say I am not disrespecting you and i appreciate the same respect in return

what r u talking about.. when i said some people should keep there thoughts as just thoughts, you knew i had a problem with u and what u said i told u that

i have never been indirect with u

no, i didn't know that is why i asked again, you need to mature in that area

i shouldn't have to guess either

well i thought u knew well im telling u now..i have a problem with the way u talk to me sometimes and what u say

i am going to say things that you are not going to like, you can take it how you want to but sweet you need to grow up because that is life, and folks are not here to say things to you like you like also one more things about your dads relationship with your sister stop comparing their relationship to your you are not them and they are not you maybe that is why he can have a relationship with them

i understand that i kno ppl are going to say and do things i dont like that doesnt mean i have to act like it never happened

you need to be responsible for you(so do you and stop judging my life)

i am

you have no control over other people's actions or words. i never said that

besides everybody know my dad is a freaking prick

you have to act like it doesn't happen

i dont have to u may want me too... but i dont have to

eversorry, sorry you don't have to act like it doesn't happen not saying you should… rephrase your dad is who he is you are who you are

 i kno that and i have come accept this

all i am saying is this… heal from it if that is your goal, i am not sure what your goal is but just because your dad is a prick

i am and my blog helps me do that

doesn't mean that e should be ridiculed for it

it takes all kinds to make up this world

that then is great, but you only have control over steph

i know..that like u said i need to get over it...my blog helps me do that while also helping others

great, but at the same time you are you steph you are not your sisters you are not anyone else so don't compare just work on you and if the blog helps continue to do so

ok...forget about my sisters..in my blog i aint say s**** about them..i just talk about me and the effects my dads has had on me...my blog aint about my dad its about me and my struggle

i didn't say you talked about them in your blog you mentioned them to me that your dad treats them better so yeah forget about them

Now all what she said is a big contridiction alot of what she said...she went around in circles and gave me a headache!!!!! But you know what I want to read this everyday and use as inspiration to kept it moving!!!

Support your Child

"I am writing this in behalf of my wonderful best friend and wife. My wife has had a lot of issues recieving her child support from her ex. This so called man abandon his daughter 6 years ago and she has not seen or heard from him since. There was a court order too pay child support in 1991. He has payed very little in these past years. He owes over 30k in back child support and the State of Florida seems not too care. We have had court dates where he does not show up and a writ has been issued but he is a alcoholic and doesnt drive or file for taxes. And as far we understand they just wont go pick him up, unless he has broken another law. She has contacted the local child support office here and she keeps getting the same old song and dance. The child support office doesn't care."

While doing research I came accross this, and it got me thinking. My father very rarely paid child support and when he did it was a minuscule amount. He even had the audacity to tell my mom one day, " I don't worry about it, becasue I know Stephanie will be well taken care of by you!" Although that is true, my mom did not have me all by herself, but that is another topic. I do understand the importance of child support, to hello..SUPPORT THE CHILD; however I believe supporting the child in other aspects is more importnat in most causes. Even when you live a million miles away, you can still be there for a child, it maybe difficult to be there physically, but emotionally they could hold it down if they so choose; but in most causes they choose to do NEITHER!

"...an excuse to be dysfunctional or have bitterness or ill feelings towards your situation..."

It is a little excerpt from a converstaion I had with someone this morning, we were discussing "Unstable Cradle" and they basically said my blog is an excuse! The fact of the matter is my blog helps people and helps me! That is what truely matters to me impacting lives, and it crazy for her to have a comment when she has not even read my blog!!! This is one of the reasons I began this blog, because it has been such an epidemic that is asthough our feelings aren't suppose to matter! You think we want to feel this way, angery, hurt, betrayed, left out and disgarded...we did not ask for this!!! Like she said its my situation not hers, so let me deal with it which ever way works best for me!!!

How could you????

Through this blog I have had the pleasure of meeting and speaking with some amazing people, all sharing with me there different stories. This past weekend I met this wonderful woman and mother(@JennRaines) who also lives in Florida and we began talking and she started to tell me her and her son's story.

As we got to know eachother she went on to tell me how her ex-husband has completely neglected herself and most importantly his son, his new wife does not want the son in "her house" and he has children with this woman, so now @JennRaines son feel like an outcast! Although he meets his dad once a week for lunch, his dad needs to be a father more than an hour a week! My biggest fear is that her son is like how I use to be and millions of other children in our situation acting as though we really dont care at all! I use to say the relationship I had with my father,or lack there of was ok and did not impact me; but like I told you other people would notice that when I spoke of him my tone completely changed!

My thing is the woman he is now married to, how dare she say she does not want the boy in the house, that only speaks volumes about her character, that is his son for God's Sake!!! I don't know Jenn's sons name, but if he reads this I want him to know that it is OKAY to feel hurt and betrayed, you are only human and what your father and his new wife are doing is beyond wrong!!! It will really help you if you talk about it, you should talk to your mom, she really loves you and would do anything for you...and it hurts her to see you hurting.

Everybody should follow @JennRaines, she is truely AMAZING!!!!

Earlier today I was at home working on a post, and watching the Tyra Show and there was a young lady on there who had previously been on the show; she was a prostitute, and guess who her manager was???? HER FATHER!!!! They showed clips of him preping her and talking to her and how cruel and heartless he was to her, he would wax her, coach her and then take her to brothels even after she begged not to! The last time she was on Tyra she told her dad she did not want to do it anymore and was not going to , well today since that show was the first time she had seen her father, and it was so emotional! Really how could he do that to his daughter? Now he is the manager of another girl who is only 19, and he does all the same things for this new child that he did his own. What kind of father is he, he was pimping his daughter out!?!?!

He Told Me

"Have I ever told you that if I sit really still and silent sometimes. I like to think i can hear your heart beating in time with mine?

Have I ever told you that there has been times when I ached for you so badly that emotions overwhelmed me, so I sat and cried?

Have I ever told you I love you?
I LOVE YOU BABY!!!"

Statistics show that woman search for men that remind them or have characteristics of their father, but not me! Not to say I have not been in relationships with guys who unfortunately are a lot like my father. But the words above are from a poem my wonderful baby wrote for me. I am so blessed and thank God everyday for him being in my life. I have never had a man who loves me the way he does. He makes me so happy. I wake up every morning and thank the Lord for sending him to me. He is my superstar, but while on his quest for success he is always there to support and back me up 100%. He is doing big things with his music career(www.myspace.com/upperclassmen202), and he makes me proud everyday! Also my hubby has inspired my to return to my art, people who know from me the past know that art use to be my world, it was the only way I could express myself. So I bought a sketchbook and I am determined to get back to my work and true love(besides him), this is my first sketch.

Yall probably don't care about none of this, but who cares, I'M IN LOVE!!!!!! and I am helping to break the cycle!!!

Text

Well i text my dad today...

me;"hello daddy"

him;" Hello"

me:" how are you?"

him;"just great"

me;"me too thanks for asking!"

Well nobody can say I didn't try! It just hurt that he is going around telling everybody how I do him wrong, and that he loves me dearly would do anything for me....BUT HE CAN NOT HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME!!!!!